Not sure about therapy? I spent literally 2 years with the WRONG therapist...what a waste of my time, money, and possibilites. If your not sure, find another one. Don't make the mistake I did of thinking it was OK.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
No, she is a good therapist, and we click...she is also pro marriage. We just did a little talking in things I don't like to talk about...I know it's necessary, but I just don't like it, you know?
New developments in my story. I got an email from the guy at church this morning...he said he could meet with us on Friday...have to be morning time though...contacted my wife, and she gave me an AM time, so I am just waiting back for the final confirmation from him, and we will be all set!
In addition...last night, I did something pretty bold, prob shouldn't have, but the results I feel worked out great! I basically said that if we are unable to meet with this guy on Friday, that I would love to take her out for lunch/dinner instead....
I know, I know, but it was real low presure though. Anyway, she told me that she appreciates the offer, and although she declined, she said that we could do that after meeting with this guy...so she is onboard with going out with me after the meeting. This seems to tell me that she is not of the mindset that we aren't going to work...like she is going into this meeting with a let's see what we can do attitude. Any thoughts from others that aren't emotionally involved in my sitch on this?
Also, whoever prays, keep me in your prayers...pray for this meeting, pray for the lunch afterwards, pray that God will move in this situation...Friday seems to be a pretty pivotal day in my sitch.
It's confirmed! The three of us are in fact getting together tomorrow...by her earlier tests, lunch afterwards should be goot to go too! Please be praying!!!
Whoa! Slow down there. This is a LONG process, and things aren't going to happen overnight. I know it's frustrating in the beginning because you want answers and results right away, but nine times out of 10, it doesn't happen that way. Friday may NOT be pivotal as you'd like it to be. It's a good step, but I wouldn't call it pivotal. Even if it doesn't go well, it still means nothing. It's too early to declare anything dead. Keep that in mind.
I'm praying for you.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I know that it seems like I am moving too fast...I know that there is always the chance that this won't go well. What I do know is that through prayer, God has set much more up for tomorrow than I ever expected...we are going to meet with the man in the morning...then going back to my house in the afternoon, and then going to have dinner, so it will basically be the two of us all day, for the first time since this whole thing started. All I am saying, is that this could most defintly turn one way or another. I am just praying for a positive result...I will not press anything tomorrow, I will just continue to trust God, as that's what I have been doing so far, with pretty good results.
I know that it's too early to declare anything dead, and I have no desire to ever do that. This is the woman that God has for me, and now that I realize that, I refuse to just let it go. All things are possible through Him.
Also, did I mention that to do this is a four hour drive each way for her?
I hope that my post didn't come off as abrasive...I didn't intend it too. It's just that as far as I have come with God, and as much trust as I have placed in Him, I believe that His will is for an ultimate reconciliation...I am leaving Him at the helm.
God's will IS for reconciliation - always. But, he also gives us free will...and often we walk away from what we know HE wants. You are absolutely doing the right thing by giving it to God. KEEP IT THAT WAY. It's easy to say, but no easy to do.
4 hours each way? Wow.
Be cool. Be content. Be strong.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Things didn't really go as well as I'd hoped yesterday. I would still say that it was pivotal...I am not declaring anything dead, nor are we looking at reconciliation in the near future or maybe not even at all. So, how is this pivotal you say?
Well, upon meeting with the man at the church, my eyes were opened to the exact situation...something that I don't think I ever had before. Sure, part of the reason (the biggest part) she left was because of what happened. But there were many more...the largest other reason was this. She felt things building up in me towards the relationship falling apart for a while now. See, my wife is a degreed psych...she feels that I have some fairly substantial issues in that department. A lot of garbage from my past that had made me the person that I am not, the person capable of doing the things that I have done. She has tried for a while to get me to see someone, to which I always shrugged off. She felt that the only way to save me was to leave...the guy at church, who is a therapist, tends to agree from talking with me that there are issues there...
So the plan is this, I am going to start working with this guy, on me...I guess we're talking about some deep stuff, which he says could take a few months before I am through it. My wife tells me at the end of all of that she can promise me forgiveness for what has happened...she has said she can't promise reconciliation, because she doesn't know. This makes since because she is still really hurt. Good news is she is starting to meet with someone down there one on one, a good Christian too, to address some issues that she has. So, essentially, we are both damaged goods now, going to get help, and we'll see what happens on the other end.
So, I feel pretty good about all of this...I know what I need to do, and I fully understand what's going on now, instead of DBing in the dark over here...we have a good enough relationship still that we were able to put it all on the table, and now I know where she stands and I know EXACTLY what it is I have to do.
Who knows what will happen at the end, on getting together or not...obviously I would like to, but we shall see. In the meantime, we are friends, we can talk about anything, as long as it doesn't pertain to me pressuring her on reconciliation, and last night at dinner, we proved that we can even hang out together and have a good time with each other.
There are legitimate reasons that having a legal sep would be good for her, so I agreed if that's what she wants, then I will let her have that (insurance concerns and things like that).
She was always a little nervous about me persuing boxing, seen too many punch drunk people, which I have always wanted to do...now that I have a little freedom in that department, I am going to persue that a little too, to fill some time, have a hobby, and I also think that'd get me in better shape, and lookin' better. I figure that coming out on the other end with a more defined body would only help the situation anyway.
