Well,
Its definitely been sometime since I've posted about my situation. My wife is slowly bringing me into her world again. Over the Christmas break, she invited me over to have a Christmas dinner with her entire family (aunts, uncles, brothers, grandma and cousins). That was nice and I got alone well with them. Over the last two weeks, I've gone over to her brother's or aunt's house for dinner or just to have company. Several months ago my wife told me she wouldn't dare have me be with her family because she said they all hated me. So this is definitely a step forward.

We are talking more on the phone and/or texting each other a lot. It's almost become a ritual, but she calls me every morning while we are driving to work (I always look forward to it). Our talks for the most part are playful and about a variety of topics minus the relationship.

That said, I'm probably going to need a 4x4 with what I am going to say next. Last Sunday was the first time in a very long time that the topic of the relationship was brought up. Here's how it happened. I was with my daughter by myself in the morning when my wife called and told me that our daughter really misses me a lot and that I should do more one on one things with her more often. For whatever reason, I said that it would be nice if I could go over sometimes and play in our daughter's room with all her toys. My wife then responded that that is never going to happen because our daughter needs to recognize she has her place and I have my place to prevent any confusion. She then said that that was what was best for our daughter. I, being the idiot I was, told her that what was best was for our daughter to have both parents living in the same house.

Well, that opened a can of worms. She then went on a tirade and said that she would never get back with me after all I did to her. That she was not going to waste any years of her life. She then went on to tell me that she doesn't trust me. I responded by telling her that what I did was wrong but people do change. She then brought up the topic of how her father had killed her mom and how she would be stupid to give me a second chance. I then told her that she cannot allow what happened to her mom to control her and not have faith in people (for those who are new - her father murdered her mom in front of her when she was young). We then got off the phone.

Well, my daughter was with me the whole time I was talking to her on the phone and I absolutely lost it. I tried my best, but I started to cry a lot - I was just a mess. I was trying so hard not to show it in front of my daughter, but unfortunately just couldn't help it. My daughter kept asking me why I was crying and the only thing I could say was that daddy was sad at the moment. I was so depressed that entire morning and felt just hopeless.

Later that afternoon, my wife called me and acted as if nothing had happened. She was playful, calling me by my pet name and even invited me over to her aunt's house for dinner. It was as if our conversation never took place. Needless to say, I was really down for several days. Today was a lot better, but it definitely put a nice dent in my confidence level. Yesterday I felt like giving up and moving on. I'm glad I haven't, but it seems like this is getting tougher and tougher.

I miss my wife so much and have been doing my best to give it all to God. Right now, I guess I am feeling a little lost. I am going to keep pressing forward and fighting for our marriage, but it seems like in spite of what appears to be progress, my wife still doesn't seem to have developed any trust towards me. That hurts and lets me know that I have to be patient and let time/God do the healing. Today, while we were talking on the phone, she said something among the lines of - "so when you get married again, is your wife going to let you be nice to me." Stuff like that just throws me in a loop. I responded that "we'll just have to pretend that I'm being mean when she is around." What is a guy to say to something like that. I don't want to marry anybody but my wife.

Anyway, that is where I currently stand at the moment. Still feeling a little bummed about Sunday, but slowing getting out of it.


Last edited by lovenomatterwhat; 01/08/09 05:37 AM.