WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice IV

[thrillisgone]

Looky looky milk and cookies! Almost fell out of my chair today. The ExW sent me a text message wishing me a nice birthday. First personal, friendly non business, non legal issue communication since March 07. I figure a year with the OM and things will start to wind down. Its been a year now. By 18 months all those high school infatuation feelings will be dead. However folks, just because the OM is gone doesn't mean the MLC is gone.

LD - Keep on keeping on. I don't know where the 6 months timeline comes from. From a brain chemistry standpoint 18 months begins a more realistic phase of a romantic affair. When infatuation gets replaced with " Oh my God who is this POS lying next to me", thats when things will get interesting.

[dday101798]

This is why I refuuse to pay more than $2K out of pocket for a car. With my W, they always leave on a hook either totaled or with critical mechaincal damamge not worth my time compared to the worth of the car. My old garage contained "the wall of shame", wish I would have had a camara back then, would make for some good laughs.

[LonelyD]

Well good for you T'Gone. No, 6 months has been thrown around for a time and apparently studies have been done, don't know them, but the stats are the stat. I have no idea how long her affair went on or what, I have no idea about anything she did. for all I know she has been with this guy for years, who the hell knows.

She is with OM, timelines meaning nothing to me, absolutely nothing.

By the way, emails from her today asking for the insurance company info. I sent it with a "I need my money by Friday". tagged at the end. then I sent another email saying it might be better for her to look at her own insurance so she doesn't have me hounding after her. Was gonna say, then you won't have anything to do with me at all and your life will be complete. So I stopped. she sent a reply thanking me for the info and "sorry to be bothering you". Well I had to reply, I tink it was a mistake, but I did. this is my reply "You are not bothering me!!!! Next time just call me. I don't bite. We need to talk about insurance payments because I think if you get your own your rate will be higher. Chou..."

Not sure when she will get it. Are you ready for this, she doesn't have enough finacial baggage, she bounced a check, they couldn't redeposit, so they want her to go down and pay the amount plus 20 dollars. Its almost 100 bucks she ain't got. Her financial situation is getting worse by the day. I have to pick up D17 at 8:30 so I'll have to send in a note to her because the store called here. and they will continue to do so because guess what phone number is on the check.

I don't want to real into this but it seems to me that her workld is crashing in around her. Any WAWs out there wanna give me thir take on this? i don't want her coming to me for money and I don't want her back for that reason. But is it common for the WAS to crash financially like this?

[LonelyD]

After I posted that, I went throguh the mail, she got a letter from our insurance company asking why no report was filed, why they weren't notified with 48 hours of the accident and to complete an accident report immeditely and give a copy to the local police department in the town where it happened. She caused serious damage to the other vehicle. The law is that if you are in an accident that has personal property damage of over $1000, it must be reported to the police within 24 hours. She never did, why, because she was drinking i suspect. thisis why no one got hold of her and why she never called anyone, she was hiding, like a little kid.

She overdrew the bank account again also. She doesn't get paid agian until next thursday, she is in the hole for over $300 right now. the bank aceepeted her low car payment but says in a letter that it was not the "discussed and promised" amount. If they do not get the remainder of the balance by today, they will look to take collateral ownership of the vehicle. (repossess). That puts her over $1000 as of today. As a cosigner of the loan I also recevied a similar letter, i am not reading her mail. I am not responsible for her dept on this. Talked to a lawyer and they are contacting me as the co-signer, but the bottom line is if she loses this car she is screwed.

I am not rollingin dough , but if this situation was with me, I could pay the difference, the bank proble, and the bounced check. It would set me back and take a few weeks to recover, but I could do it. I won't. I am praying that this at least gets her start thinking about what she has done and where she is headed. Start thinkking about the money you are blowing partying, buying yourslef new outfits you can't afford, writing checks and praying money goes in the bank before they bounce. all this has caught up to her. I wonder if this will actually make her crash.

[LonelyD]

The thing that is funny is I pay my bills. I don't really get mail, because I do everyting on-line. But I receved 4 pieces of mail in both our names or in my name and allhad to do with her and something she did, wrong!. I slept good last night. I prayed for Him to watch her.

I picked up D17 last night and she took in W's mailto her. Stairs were slippery so I got out of my truck to help D17 down the steps, she laughed about me helping her, but I didn't want her to fall and hurt her ribs and collarbone again. W was watching out the window when I did this. I never acknowledged her.

told D17 to study for her permit test over the next two weeks. I will quiz her every other day and after a couple of weeks I willl take her for her test. W has taken her 3 times and she failed all 3 times. I will quiz her and make sure she knows it. this way she will have her permit before I leave on my trip in february. I may have a shot at a car that is in great shape physically, but doesn't run. I may be able to get it cheap and fix it up for her to have. Once she gets her permit, I will sign her up for Drivers Ed. she seemed very excited that I have looked into this. I had told her I would if her grades improved and if things got better. She asked why we don't just sell the house or take in borders. I know where that was coming from and I explained it to her.

She had wanted me to pick her up earlier than I did, I asked why and she said she was bored. I said I thought you liked hanging ourt with your mother, she said we just sit there watch TV, make comments, I mostly talk to the boys. I said well its nice to spend time with your mother, all she said was "Mmmm." I am getting the impression she is not enthused about going over to her mothers as much as I had thought. I am seing her mother calling for D17 to go over to her place mon-thurs. She basically is invisible to D17 Fri-Sun. She is trying to give the appearnace of a connection with her. Now I know why D17 is distant when I pick her up, she sees it, and knows its not that tight. Oldest D talked to her mother Monday. She told her about her dog they just got and W said she wants to come down and see the dog. D was pissed, she can come down and see the dog, but not me, or my son? Screw her. My MIL is comng up soon for a visit. D17 told me last night that Nana doesn't know when she will be up. I said i knew becasue her husband has medical appointments (heart problems). She said, Oh, Mom was just talking to Nana and just found out. She then said, guess you talk to nana more than her own daughter. I let it go. I do not comment when these things are thrown out at me.

I did read some info on signs of the WAS hitting the rocks. Financial seems to be the number one thing and then everything else begins to fall into place. It was funny, one of the hitting the rocks was realizing no sense of family. And the other was the realization that you did this to yourself. There are a few others that get them thinking about the path they have chosen and looking to see if they can turn it around. As it has been indicated to me here, some feel in their minds that they are so out there, they won't even try for fear of rejection. the ones that do not try tend to lead very poor lives and bounce from bad relationship to bad relationship. I had to re-read some MLC stuff last night becasue I was looking at W's current sitch which is not good.

25Year had posted to me that "life will show her the consequences of her decisions". Boom, there it is! This is brutal on her, I told her I would call her Friday about her car insurance money she owes. I am thinking I should back off, but then again, I didn't put her in this postion, plus i don't want to leave any hints that I know how bad things have gotten for her.

[dday101798]

I did read some info on signs of the WAS hitting the rocks. Financial seems to be the number one thing and then everything else begins to fall into place. It was funny, one of the hitting the rocks was realizing no sense of family. And the other was the realization that you did this to yourself. There are a few others that get them thinking about the path they have chosen and looking to see if they can turn it around. As it has been indicated to me here, some feel in their minds that they are so out there, they won't even try for fear of rejection. the ones that do not try tend to lead very poor lives and bounce from bad relationship to bad relationship. I had to re-read some MLC stuff last night becasue I was looking at W's current sitch which is not good.

Heh, well my W seems to think that child support os going to save the day. I asked her again last night where she intended on living, and I got a "I'm buying a house". Really? Oh, by the way there's some mail for you upstairs, looks all like bill collectors if you ask me. LOL.

Little does she realize if she does get support, it's not going to amount to squat after I have adjust my income taxes back to 'single' status. I suspect that's another reason for the new games too, it's tax time, her favorite time of year.

And no kidding about the bad relationship part, seeing how high mine sets the bar with this one, lord only knows what's next.

[LonelyD]

I have a confidant who I talk to off line about this. His comment was, she is in some serious crap right now, very serious crap that will affect the rest of her life. If she fluffs this off like everything else she has done to this point, then she is truly too far gone. If it hits her as it should, then the reality will hit her like a 2X4. called the bank to arrange my mortgage payment and asked my person to check to see if she has contacted them about her car. Nothng, she has till 5:00 PM. after that, they are coming after her car. I did not open her mail to read the other people's accident report. But if there is physical injury, well she is really screwed. If they indicated she had been drinking, they can't prove it, but it won't look good on an accident reported on time by one group and my W still hasn't sent one in. This situation is getting out of hand and her crash is right around the corner. I fshe blows it off, then she is too far gone for me to conssder, I think. If tis doesn't do anything, then nothing will, she is damaged goods. Her life will be a mnightmare fromhere on out, too bad, she had the world by the balls with me, but she wasn't In love with me anymore. Good luck to her in her life...

[LonelyD]

Tough time sleeping last night. thoughts of ending it, can't go on, why should I , I am not getting answers from Him, the whole shooting match. Finally fell off. Felt a little better this morning, not sure why i did it. Mayb Dday's sitch got me upset. I feel bad for you buddy, but stay styrong. I was really upset what she is doing, bouncing back and forth woith your head like that.

I don't know if I should contact W today about car ins money or not. I know damn well she ain't got it, she is up to her ass in alligators. should I just stay dark until next week when she gets paid again? I am not sure...i am tinking the best thing for me to do is leave her alone, but I'd like to call her about the money just to see where her head is at with all of this heaped upon her. Any thpoughts? FH, 25year, Dday, T'Gone, Sandi, AmyC?

[FaithfulH]

Tough time sleeping last night. thoughts of ending it, can't go on, why should I , I am not getting answers from Him, the whole shooting match.

I think you have gotten your answer.....WAIT! That IS one of God's answers. You won't always get "move forward" or "quit". He may be asking you just to "wait".

Regarding the insurance, here is what I would do. Call her up and tell her that you know she is going through alot financially with the car and all....and you don't want to add to that right now. Tell her she DOES need to know that she will have to be responsible for her own insurance but you are going to cover it this month so she can settle some of her other obligations. This is about the NEW you. I think alot of us are unable to separate ourselves from the pain and rejection we have suffered so we take a tough (self-defeating) stance with our WAS.

[dday101798]

Mayb Dday's sitch got me upset.

Well look at it on the bright side. It seems to be a step ahead of yours so you know what to look for and kind of have an idea what you may come up against.