Even though going through this process can be difficult at times, seeing a pattern develop seems very interesting to me. I have learned some things from this:
I learned:
1.) Building strength in myself by utilizing patience, waiting for A to come toward me. 2.) Building trust in him that he 'does' actually choose to come toward me. 3.) Even though the process is very slow, he initiates a little sooner and sooner each time. I can visualize him testing the water. The consistent pattern gives me a feeling of stability. 4.) His consistency gives me confidence and the ability to step back and give him space until he needs to come forward again. 5.) I enjoy 'the knowing' that he will initiate a connection.
L, I knew he would call this time. I could breathe in the knowing. For the first time, I could wait with a feeling of trust. I think that is progress for the both of us.
From 3 weeks to 2 1/2 weeks to 2 weeks to a little less than 2 weeks, the time between calls have been smaller and smaller. (Sometimes, they seem like a lifetime for me.)
L, this time, I answered the phone, 'Hiiiiiiii :)!' We talked about all the stuff I wanted to talk about ... his stresses, my stresses (mostly about me). I hope I didn't scare him. I'm always afraid of that. (interesting) At the end, I told him that it was good to hear his voice. He said the same thing back to me. Then, he said, it's been a long time, jojo! Then, I took a chance and said that it would be nice to see him soon. He said maybe next week. I joked about it.
I loved hearing his voice. I also found out that his 'going on with his life' isn't so big and grandious and so far away from me. He is keeping things close. He was very open and honest with me. I miss him very much.
Tonight, I have tears of joy! I think I/we are reaching some kind of goal.
Biggest hugs, PS My mother was operated on today. It was successful, but she did not do too well. She is better tonight. Her tears and emotion are tough for all of us to witness. I am glad I am here for her. Talk soon, xxoo
