Advice please...

[Ready2Change]

Hey Ral!

How are you today?

Is there anything you need from us?

Would you mind sharing your list of GAL and 180's and baby goals if you have any...this will help us support you.....

[StayHopeful]

Hi. R2C ...What are GAL's...? Not much changing here, I've been following the advice I've gotten to a T. No pressue of any kind. I'm happy, cool, and friendly. She talks about whatever, I listen/ validate... Daily, she acts like normal, minus showing "too much" affection. I Spend my days off reading other entries in this blog. I'm in limbo. I Feel like I'm waiting on the jury to come back in with the verdict but, "I WILL BE A ROCK" ... She won't let on about anything... No sign of anything in her speech or actions. If I could just see a little movement in her, forward or backward, I'd be able to figure out something. I'm really trying to judge each gesture by me. I don't know half the time, if I would be considered as pursuing or what.

[craig54]

Ral, In time it will get easier to just live your life and interact with your wife on another level.Gal's, get a life. Do something for you, new hobbies, Golf,tennis, reading , it can be anything that is fun and keeps you busy , and not focused on your wife.Do not expect anything thing from your wife. I have not seen any from my wife in 16 months. Her talk rarely matches what she does, if she did , we would already be divorced.Try not to focus on what she says, remember the mantra, do not believe 100% of what they say and 50%of what they do.

One day at a time.keep up the good work.Pray for guidance.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

If I could just see a little movement in her, forward or backward, I'd be able to figure out something.

: ) No you wouldn't. That sounds glib...and it is. And more importantly it is true.

If you wife is a true MLC then what is true for her today will likely not be true for her tomorrow, or next week or next month. So, no you will not be able to figure her out. More importantly you are wasting time trying to figure her out or what she is thinking or what she is planning. You will not only be wasting your time, you will drive yourself crazy and despair.

GAL = Get(ting) A Life = Doing something. Hopefully something that improves you...working out, joining a club, taking classes. Going out with friends. Not dwelling on how much your life sucks right now. Because Life is what you make it, it might not be fair, it most certainly isn't, however, Life is still what you make it.

Sticking this out, doesn't mean you let life pass you by while you wait for your wife, it doesn't mean you turn into a hermit or become a flagellent martyr, offering up your life and happiness as penance so that your wife sees you suffer and decides to come back because of how pathetic you are. You REALLY don't want THAT to be the reason she comes back.

GAL = Enjoy life, fix yourself.

So Ral, since no one here is here because their marriage is wonderful, and since no failing marriage is the fault of just one person, what are your failings, what can you improve? Take a deep hard long look into your mirror, and really look at what you don't like about yourself...

Now work toward changing it, not for her, but for you. For selfish reasons, if you change it, your next relationship, hopefully with your wife, because your old one is dead, will be better for the change you have made.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Question:

Did you pick up the Four Agreements yesterday like you said you would?

If you didn't, don't say you're going to do things and then not do them...willing to bet your wife noticed that long before I did.

[Ready2Change]

Hi RAL,

looks like others answered your questions....

I could list about 1000 GAL's......here are a few that were helpful:

1) I go to Walmart's nail salon and get a pedicure. They have high end massage chairs, and nice looking ladies clean up your feet. I get to relax, get some physical touch and interaction with a woman and also my feet feel better.....

2) Full body massage...Same needs are met......

3) Shopping for clothing. When I go to Ross, there are 50 women and 3 guys......Enough said. I find cloths I like and interact (or at least enjoy) the women....

[StayHopeful]

I've been home the last 3 days with our S-11. He's been sick. I don't know what I want to do just yet about the GAL.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

You can write a list of ideas.
You can make plans.

[StayHopeful]

So far I have been going to counseling weekly. I'm still thinking about what I could do. I've thought about painting our basement, etc. Or is that something to be put in a GAL ?

[craig54]

Ral, Painting your basement, gal, could be, sounds boring.Do something fun!!