Happy New Year!!!!!! I celebrated by jogging and then doing some yoga...
alas, sadly my family was gone and I was all alone for the actual moment, they were helping another family member with a big move that involved transporting his collection of hundreds of giant goldfish (live)...
I haven't been posting because I guess I just wanted to take a break from trying to figure out what to do.
A few days ago, I had a lonnggggg phone conversation with a really good RL friend who I have been encouraging in her own DBing. I am inclined to at least consider her advice because her sitch is pretty amazing... her man (who is currently working in guatemala) just came to see her and told her that he wants to move back to Boston (where they used to live together), and she (I don't know how she managed to do this) told him in a light, joky way that she was still in love with him, and he was TOTALLY receptive to it.
So this friend, about my situation, was like, look, B obviously is still really conflicted, and has a longggggg way to go, you are like five miles ahead of him, and if you keep turning around and saying, "come on! hurry up! why aren't you by my side yet?" it will backfire. She is concerned that at this point he is just reacting to me instead of actually reaching out. She also told me that he is really skittish right now, which her man was for a long time, and also that her man during that period told her something really similar to "I want our relationship to be enjoyable." She actually suggested that I consider totally pre-emptively cancelling any hangouts with B in NYC.
I am feeling more like... not doing anything about it. If he contacts me, then I can take it from there. I am thinking about shortening my time in NYC for my own reasons anyway, so i could have more time in VA with my family, and other reasons... I am kind of wondering if I cancelled, if that would send him a message like "I really don't care about you", but if I do nothing, he will have to guess. But obviously, I cannot read his mind's hypothetical reactions to my hypothetical moves!
I just want to sleep and read... and not have to try to figure anything out!! (for example, what to do with my life now that I"ve finished grad school: big question mark floating over my lil' head)
I will be in NYC tomorrow. I would love to see B, but I don't want to push. I'm wondering if I have any other options, other than reaching out (and possibly pushing), or doing nothing (and leave him wondering WTF I did't call him)? The last time we spoke, he told me he wanted to meet when I was in NYC. My plans at that time were not firm. In my memory, when we got off the phone there was no clear "I'll call you" or "you'll call me" about seeing each other in NYC. Originally I was thinking about being there 4-5 days while he was there. Now I am thinking 2-3. I am a little weary of couch surfing. What are your thoughts?
Otherwise, I just had a really nice visit in Boston with two of my dearest friends, eating tibetan food, going to this awesome bar that served delicious mulled cider, and revisiting my favorite cafe and eating an enormous apple crisp! Not to mention trudging around in the snow, which is sort of novel after not being around it for a while. And I picked up my cello yesterday and it came out amazing, the cellofixitman is incredible. hooray!
I think it would be good to see him still. You could just say something like, was he still up for meeting, you could meet him at this time if he was around. I just feel it would be taking a bit more control over the situation rather than just wondering and then possibly regretting it or taking it as rejection if he doesn't get in contact. He may be thinking he offended you last time and that is why you haven't called or something like that, you don't know and perhaps it is best not to speculate. I guess what I am trying to say is you initiated this meet up and in general men like women to arrange etc. If he was coming down to your area it would be different but you are making the visit up there, it is normal etiquette for you to make the moves in that case. Just my opinion...
Hey T.. will post more later, see what others say.. but my instinct is to send him a friendly, neutral no pressure text, saying something along the lines of (and dont quote me!)..
"I'm in town till X day, if you have fancy a catch up. Got my new cello back, he did a great job, good as new!" ..or drop something similiar in thats friendly, neutral and not a question for him to have to answer.
And dont EXPECT a reply? What more can you do, other than not text at all. I think phoning him would put him on the spot too much (unless it went to VM), so I would advise against that at least.
thank you guys for all your help! I've been away from my computer for a few days traveling and I had basically decided to do nothing. Then he texted me out of the blue if I would be in NYC and now (I think) we are meeting for dinner tonight? Crazy!! Wish me luck!
YAY!!!!! I am so pleased and good luck.. just act as if T, be cool, smile alot and flick your hair about, lol! oh.. but as Jeff would say, dont do anything to 'spook' him hey. Just believe in yourself.
And its a good week you know.. Venus just moved into Pisces! (and hes a Piscean right??) and Jupiter moved into Aquarius.. so, its a good week to go to dinner and flirt with a Piscean! Not that I want to raise your hopes at all, but just be happy and positive hey...
Thank you for all of your wishes!!! I didn't check my thread until after I came back from meeting B. Here is the update.... It is super long, I just needed to get it all down for myself...
Here's how we set up the meeting via text (over three days):
On monday afternoon: B: Happy new year! Are you in NYC this week? My week is filling up fast so I wanted to touch base with you soon. T: Happy new year to you too! I get in to new york tomorrow and leave sometime after wed, depending on whether or not I get some cello lessons. B: Sweet. Let me know what works for you. Lunch? Dinner? T: I'll get back to you in a bit... still finalizing (the next morning) T: how about dinner on wednesday? B: Sure. Where is good for you? I'll be coming from my house. It is supposed to rain tomorrow, so we may not want to walk and decide like last time... T: How about XXXX square? Ill be coming from XXXX. Would you like to pick a restaurant? B: There is a really nice restaurant that isn't that expensive but it is on XX and YY. It is either french or moroccan... say around 6? T: Sure, that sounds great! what is the name of the restaurant? Where would you like to meet? B: I think it is called Cafe MXXX. We could just meet there, unless you are unsure how to find it. T: I think I can find it! See you at six? B: Sounds great!
So, I am back. Everything happened a little bit fast. Even though I have been scheming about my Hottest Outfit To Wear During the Winter for OVER A YEAR, the GF I'm staying with vetoed my off the shoulder top because she thought it looked like I was trying too hard to be sexy. So I wore my Most Fabulous Amazing Skirt Ever over tights and little black boots, my off the shoulder top, a matching scarf that could cover the bare skin if necessary, and a little black jacket over that. Plus the amazing embroidered coat I posted a while back. Somehow between sleeping late and having a morning long fashion show with my GF, I managed to run out of time getting ready and skipped the makeup and still was 10-15 minutes late.
I felt really anxious and overwhelmed getting ready, just nervous and having trouble calming myself down. I had had hopes of doing yoga all day long or going for a run, but this did not happen. So I did some extremely quiet yoga chanting on the subway on the way over, and tried to calm myself once I started walking to the restaurant. I was nearing the restaurant and stopped to close my eyes and say a little prayer when B recognized me.
Good News #1: his hug was better than any other post-bomb. there was actually some torso-to-torso contact and it was a bit longer. (maybe this is easier when we're wearing winter clothes).
Good News #2: Scary Amish Beard is... gone! He looks basically like he did pre-bomb--neatly trimmed beard, hair more or less the same length. I'm not sure why, and I didn't ask--he has a photo shoot with his string quartet tomorrow, so maybe that's why??? dunno???? It made it a little harder though, because I just wanted to touch him and hold him and lick him....
We went into the restaurant and he said, "wow, this is NOT the place I thought it was...maybe I was thinking about another place one street over" so I offered to go check out the other place with him. He wanted to look at the menu first, and I told him I saw stuff I'd enjoy eating, but if he wanted we could check out the other place.
While we were walking, he asked where I had just come from. I told him I had come from Hartford, where I was "visiting friends", and then I elaborated, and told him how my friend is pregnant and expecting a baby in May, and her husband (also my friend) is really excited about taking the next year off from his law practice to be a stay at home Dad, but then is also considering doing a one-year Master's in International Law while his wife does her PhD research in Paris. He told me how his family had unanimously decided to donate to charity this year instead of giving each other Christmas presents, but he was having trouble deciding which charities to donate to on behalf of his brothers.
and I was all alone for the actual moment, they were helping another family member with a big move that involved transporting his collection of hundreds of giant goldfish (live)...