Just back from lawyer's office and I'm shaking. We should have sep agmt in 2 weeks.
I had to call h for a few more details. He apologized for his outburst yesterday and thanked me 2X for the e-mail I sent to him afterwards (basically giving him my complete forgiveness, dropping the rope, etc., note).
When I asked him where he was on D, he said "let's just take things in stages." I asked if there was anything more he could tell me about D because I wanted to brace myself; that this was difficult. He said "I have so many things going on in my head right now, I can't think about it. I can't say anything more than I've already said." He had previously described the D as "just a piece of paper".
This is so difficult; I want to have hope but I know that I have to live as if it is over at the same time. Please, please, can anyone share their experiences and methods for getting through this? I am galing, acting as if and trying to keep PMA.
Given his fear of being alone, etc., my worst nightmare is that he is just waiting until things are more solid with ow before filing for D. I don't want to enable that behaviour. It feels like a loss of self-respect for me. I had previously said to him that I thought our m was at least worth having "its own end" rather than a D being dependent on either one of us choosing to be with someone else. For me there is more honour, respect and integrity in proceeding that way. This situation conflicts with my basic values and the significance I place in marriage vows. How do people reconcile these things?
