Two WAS's- is it really meant to be or walk away?

[Loving_Life]

Took a break from posting for awhile, but I feel the need to update and find support again...

I've been doing pretty well- started a whole new life chapter on my own in a new city. I've made a lot of new friends. Still living with family and looking for a new job, but I think something is going to turn out soon. Today I had 3 staffing agencies contact me!

My sitch is rolling toward the D and I feel ok, but sad somedays. A date has been set by the judge for early March. Stbx has closed the door on our M. He no longer contacts me except via email to discuss final settlement details(1-2 times a month). Even the slightest suggestion from me that we hold off any longer makes him angry and he started badgering me about the D and D progress, so I chose to LRT and am "going along with it". I told him I understand his feelings. He's relieved about that, but he doesn't really want to stay in contact much anymore. In our last phone convo (2 months ago now), he claimed it had nothing to do with me anymore and that he just "didn't want a relationship with anyone." He has my phone, my email, my address- when he wants to talk more (like back in October) he made the effort. Now he's no longer making an effort. For the last few months, I've faced the fact that my sitch may not have hope anymore, and that's ok. Obviously, I do deserve someone that truly loves me and wants to be with me. That someone is out there for me in the future, and that will be a better life. So I'm hopeful for the future. My new city is so much better than the one I used to live in - I love it.

Saw the movie Marley and Me tonight- it was so sweet but I bawled my eyes out at the end when the dog had to be put to sleep. I am such a softie for pups! And somehow it just brought up all these loss feelings and reminded me of my M and the D on top of it all. Stbx has our 2 dogs, and I miss them a lot- I have our 2 cats right now, but I can't wait to get a dog again. I left the theatre all red eyed and people were looking at me weird- oh well. Sometimes, you just break down in the most random places. I feel like I'm fine and the next thing I know I have to fight tears away. Not like a D is a happy thing to go through, but I feel like my stbx's meanness and coldness toward me add to the injury. Maybe I'm thinking about it too much. I think I'll start posting more here again, I think it might help me. I may have to move to 'Surviving' but I hope people who are reading this follow me and keep posting. Thanks to everyone who has thoughts for me!