Honestly, you are far from done, or ready to date anyone.
It's okay to cacooon and focus on yourself. Focus on healing. Do something special for you. Go spend some time at a place you love. Either a coffee shop or books store....
You are alive, and breathing, and there are always things to celebrate no matter how small.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Is it "fair" when telling people about the up coming separation that "wife just does not want to be married anymore?" I will not mention the affair. (As long as things are civil) I know it is putting the "blame" for the collapse of the marriage on her but I am tired of the cover ups and I have worked hard for the last 2 years trying to "fix" this mess. I think it is time to let wife take responsibility for her part.
Am I being A*N*A*L ?
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
When people got real personal about our situation sometimes I would say, "You know, you'll have to ask him that question yourself."
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Man I was gone for a little bit and I get bumped to page 3..
Ok update time... Last Sunday I gave W the following letter....
Wife Am not sure how to say this. We have tried but I can see we both are not happy. You have become a good friend of mine but I need more. I need a wife. I do not want to go through another year living like this. I feel that I am living a lie to our families and to myself. I think it is best for both of us that we go our separate ways. I am in no hurry. We have a lot of details to work out. Our house, the Time share, the camper ect…I just want to let our families know as soon as possible that we are separating so no awkward situations come up like our anniversary in July. I have not mentioned this separation to anyone yet. I wanted you to be the first to know what I am feeling. I would like to wait until after Son and I get back from Eureka to tell him. He buried something in our "treasure chest" that he would not let me read last year; I can’t wait to see what he wrote. I am hoping we can settle things through an arbitrator. You are free to contact anybody you want and I will do the same. I have waited so long for this. It has been difficult for me to restrain myself this past year but I was hoping Weird huh.. 18 years ago at Christmas I asked you to marry me I gave you my last name. Now at Christmas I am giving you your freedom, I am asking for a divorce. Thank you for giving me a wonderful son. Luckily he took after you and will go far. And thank you for all of the good times we had. I hope your family will still accept me as a friend. I love your mom so much and will still do anything for her. I am so sorry it has come to this. I was so hopping we could work something out but the picture of you and the OM in front of that mirror has run through my head everyday since April 12th 2007 and I have been given no memories with you to replace them. I need intimacy, I need love. I hope OM helped you see what you needed. I hope you find happiness. All I ever wanted was to make you happy and this time it’s costing me my heart, my family, my respect and my self esteem. I Will Love ya always Dr Love
.....................................
So Wife told me that she was sorry but she no longer had any feelings for me. So I asked "then you want a divorce?" she said "I know you need to get on with your life".
Sooo Monday W and I had no words. I was not mad or really hurt but I felt like someone that had cried and cried and cried until there were no more tears left. I just had no more words left. I really thought that she would have wanted to give it one more try. I was not around much that evening. Tuesday we did do a little chit chat but not much. Again I did not eat at home. I also changed "my" room around (the master bedroom). I moved this bent wood rocker that belonged to my wife before we were married that she kept on my side of the room. I always had to work around it but anytime I asked her to find some other place for it she would throw a fit. So I moved it to her side of the bed. (Her side when she slept there). Wednesday I was in my room watching T.V and she called down the hall and said she made some pizza and if I wanted some it was on the table. Thursday I came home from work the chair was not in my room. I looked and it was in her van. It was cold so I decided to light the fireplace to warm up the house and then went to my room and watched T.V (I always have left the door open). Later wife comes to my door and tells me "dinner is ready" This weekend is supposed to be nice so I decided since I have my lumber rack off of the truck I would put the camper on and son and I are going fishing on Saturday. If there is a campsite available we may spend the night. So I was doing that today and later after I had it all on I was going to go to MIL house and get some stuff I had over there and wife told me that dinner will be ready soon I should go after. I ate dinner at the table with wife. (Son was at friends house) a little chit chat but not much. I had put my wedding ring with Wife’s on her dresser. W took all the rings and put them in her jewelry box.
Sooo I do not think wife is taking me seriously. It is hard because I really do not want a divorce but I do not want to go through another year like this. I do think that when she sees I am serious she may change her mind. But I am not counting on this. I am starting out with baby steps here is the letter I am going to send her before son and I leave Saturday.....
Wife,
Now that we are separated, there are a few things we need to figure out. Here are my suggestions 1 It would be nice if we could sit down and work out a schedule For Watching Son. Maybe every other weekend one of us is committed to being there with him and the other is free to do what ever. Also during the week we can decide what days I will make sure I am home so you can make plans of your own. lets work out the details 2. Please keep me informed about school functions so when possible I can attend. 3. I feel that all of us, including Son, need our own space. Because of that As We both agreed that he does not need you there. I'd like to propose That the Master Bedroom is my room, Son gets his own room back, and You can choose another room as your own space - maybe the office. Your space And mine should be private and respected as the other person’s space. 4 Thinking about the timeshare - if we decide not to sell it then I like your idea about what ever time we have as of this date be split in half. IF we go somewhere together with Son then that amount of time will be Split between our time allotments equally.
I know we have so much to take care of but I'd like to take it a step at a time. If you have any questions, concerns or Suggestions lets talk about them.
So my observations? Wife is acting like nothing has changed. I really think she thinks this is just another one of Dr Love's rants. So I need to be strong. At dinner tonight one thing she did bring up was "the chair" she said she asked D if she wanted it and D said no so wife said she was going to take it to good will. I ALMOST said something like let me find a place for it but I kept my mouth shut. I hate her to dispose of it. It is a nice chair just too dam@ big. Maybe she was waiting for me to say something I don't know
WHAT A LOOOOONG STRANGE TRIP IT'S BEEN
later
You need my love baby, oh so bad You're not the only one I've ever had And if I say I wanna set you free Don't you know you'll be in misery They call me
Dr. Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I'm sorry it has come to this. I do think it is awful that after years of marriage, she would just say that she has no feelings for you. But that is what they say, "the opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference." And that's what you've got there. I think if you are hoping that something you do will motivate her to feel love for you, you are whistling "Dixie" (another thing they say). I think she told you the truth. She has no feelings for you. If you want love, you will have to look somewhere else.
Either what Sara says....OR, she really does THINK she has no feelings for you BUT once she sees you start dating others she may realise that is not the case. Of course, YOU, may have moved too far on then to want to look back at your W.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
