Hey Marisol, missed you. I am discouraged and it shows in my last postings. My SIL probably had the best advice. Tell him to ".... off, I am moving on and we are moving back with my family back east. If you want me you know where to find me, that is if I am even remotely interested." I am checking out some C now for D. I see her pain even though her father does not seem to recognize it and says she has been getting headaches because I want her to move. WTH. Of course it has no bearing that he moved out, having an A with coworker, and D has lost total respect for him.
Can't believe his mother attended the festivites for Xmas. What does a 21 year old have in common with a 35 year old man. It is obscene. If it was my D I would smack her in the head and ground her! so the D was dismissed on 1/1/09. Has your H mentioned it? I know my H wants to go ahead with the D but I too am trying to delay even though there is not any clarity to his actions at all. He even had a huge argument with his sister who he is very close with and he hung up on her because she told him he was an idiot. He said that he made his choice, he has found somebody new that he is happy with, he does not have a drinking problem, he is a grown man and can go out, have fun and have a few drinks -- no problem. Does not want to talk about me and I better move on, does not want to talk about his Ds babble babble babble. Need to focus on what is important. my girls.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
It sounds like you have a good handle on it, legally -- well done.
I too have not so much a hard time turning things over to God, but I tend then play tug-of-war with Him. And although He is all-powerful, guess what? He's also a gentleman, and He's NOT going to keep something if I want to keep taking it back from Him. So yeah, that one's a struggle.
Or, I turn it over, and trust Him to handle it, but only in a certain way, or with a certain outcome. When He -- seeing all things, and loving me and knowing what is best for me -- starts to "work something together for the good," but in a shape or timeframe that's different from what PUPPY thought it should be . . . well, then I get discouraged and think He's not listening to me.
Getting closer to God is truly one of the benefits of these otherwise horrible sitches. I like what somebody once said about that: "If you find yourself further from God, ask yourself: WHO MOVED???"
There is never clarity in the actions they do....he hung up on his sister because he knew deep down she is right. He just doesn't know how to fix it and thinks everyone is better off with it staying the way it is. He can never take back the pain he has caused, he knows he can never face you or his girls in the same way. The guilt overwhelms them and consumes them and its almost like they do whatever it takes to convince themselves that divorcing is the best option. They believe this OW "makes them happier" when in the long run it never does.
It's such a vicious cycle and the saddest but hardest part is that let's say you and I do move on and we find someone else that is a great guy...this is when our H's will come back, ask for forgiveness, want to start over, etc.... it's fate. When we are finally finding happiness they realize what they have lost and it may just be too late.
My H has not said anything about the D papers being dismissed and I don't intend on bringing it up. What threw me for a loop was an email he sent to me yesterday asking for my help in designing a logo for his new real estate brokerage that he plans to start once he gets his brocker license. I read it and was like WTH??? Why doesn't he get his GF to help him? Why me? I thought to myself is this an opportunity for me to work on the R or is it him being selfish and using me because of my computer background. Not sure what to do....
How is work going now that your back from your trip?
Me35/H35 D16/SS14 M-1yr/known H 18yrs 1st Bomb: 4/26 OW35 2nd Bomb: 8/17 OW21 Moved out 8/21/08 H filed D on 9/9/08
God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Puppy, I agree with you about God. I know that we are on our own time line and grow impatient but God has his own plan for us. I know we try to give God a nudge but it doesn't work that way. We work so hard trying to get our spouses back but sometimes we actually are not ready and God knows it. I have to continue on working on what I am supposed to do.
Marisol, time to DB -- help him - shine. Let him see your confidence in doing a logo. Show him that the OW is not equipped to do that. Glad to hear that the D was dismissed. whoa whoa.
Work is tough to get back into. I am really having a tough time focusing. This A at work with me there is totally disrespectful. I have made it easy for them because I still "pretend" we are together. I stopped wearing my ring as of yesterday. I can no longer lie for them. I am waiting for someone to ask me about him. It is time to be true to myself and my family and stop their actions at work. I want my husband back but I do know as long as the Ow is in the picture it won't happen. She is like his heroin. Time to detox. Pray for us.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I am seeing my third lawyer tomorrow too.. we need to exchange emails/numbers to talk Texas law as every lawyer gives different advice. I talk to Superstar some and it has been helpful ( he lives up by me)
Nice girl is gone with me... not mean but it is going to be about what is best for me and my girls at this point. Remember even if we file you can set temporary orders, they can't take trips with OW, they can't see OW, and spending has to freeze and protects you and girls...
what do you know about collabortive law vs. mediation?
hang in there
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
Hi Tx Mom, thanks for stopping by. My understanding is collaborative law is 2 lawyers trying to come to an agreement, if they can't they can no longer represent either party. Mediation is one attorney where everyone can come to agreement. My H knows that my D15 will not go near OW unless to punch her in he nose. Obviously different than having little ones. I agree there should be no way your kids around that sleaze bag. My H's spending is TOTALLY out of control. I think because he is planning on trying to get a D that I will be stuck with 1/2. I know it will be pricey getting a D but I rather give it to a L than to the OW who is a gold digger. Another concern if H is exposed at work by myself or someone, he is out of his job and the OW. I do know I would not have to pay spousal support because of the A. I get a headache thinking about this. I do not want a D, I want my H back but it will be a long journey. In the end I pray that my marriage is restored. It has been 6 months since he has said I am not happy and nothing has been the same. I have been GAL and working on myself but it has been a lonely time and I do feel lost.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hi Tx Mom, thanks for stopping by. My understanding is collaborative law is 2 lawyers trying to come to an agreement, if they can't they can no longer represent either party. Mediation is one attorney where everyone can come to agreement. My H knows that my D15 will not go near OW unless to punch her in he nose. Obviously different than having little ones. I agree there should be no way your kids around that sleaze bag. My H's spending is TOTALLY out of control. I think because he is planning on trying to get a D that I will be stuck with 1/2. I know it will be pricey getting a D but I rather give it to a L than to the OW who is a gold digger. Another concern if H is exposed at work by myself or someone, he is out of his job and the OW. I do know I would not have to pay spousal support because of the A. I get a headache thinking about this. I do not want a D, I want my H back but it will be a long journey. In the end I pray that my marriage is restored. It has been 6 months since he has said I am not happy and nothing has been the same. I have been GAL and working on myself but it has been a lonely time and I do feel lost.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Just checking in. Saw my H yesterday after more than 2 weeks. He did not look good and he said he was going for stress test next week after a physical he had this week. Drinking, stress of A, all taking its toll. I know he wants to start the D process this month.
Trying to concentrate on my D15. She had another migraine yesterday. This has taken a toll on her and I just talked to a C today but she was a little spacey. I don't think I will make an appt with her for D.
I have been so up and down this week because I plan on exposure of the A to my Supervisor. The OW is my H's direct report. It has been so disrespectful to carry this A on with me working here.
It is against our code of ethics for having an inappropriate R within the supervisory chain and also knowing about it and not reporting it I open myself up to being reprimanded.
On MB site they believe exposure to all is imperative including work. I know my H and OW will lose their jobs. I know in one way I will be shooting myself in the foot because I lose all financial help from H. So do I put up with this shame everyday just for financial compensation? Who then is the Wh$re for his money?
Why expose.
As angry as I am at my H, I love him still.
Without this A ending there is no hope of him returning.
This will move their A out into the light and the reality of what they have done might drive them apart. The OW is a known gold digger and this A is also based on the huge amounts of money my H has been spending on OW with Credit card
My H is once again an active alcoholic after almost 15 years. The OW is a drinker also. DB will not work with this addiction. Tough love and reaching bottom will be needed for him to admit he is an alcoholic (fog babble - I was never an alcoholic you made me think I was one all these years -(even attended AA for years)...)
My Ds need to see we are not victims in this. We have to stand strong and each day it is more and more difficult to come here. My H and myself have told noone that we have seperated and I was wearing my wedding band up till this week. In this way I am the ENABLER in this A also.
It will not be revealed who exposed the A.
Any thoughts, support, opinions. I value them today.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I believe that if you do the right thing here, and ask Him, that God will bless you with another source of income should your husband lose his job as a result of you doing the right and moral thing.
Puppy, I had hoped you would respond because I do value your opinion.
I want to do this because I want my H back even though it seems opposite.
H has worked here 16 years and has had a good career and is well respected till he had work issues from this summer which I think triggered the A (started off EA and went to PA). OW was there and I was not.
OW has been here less than a year but making good money.
I do hate to see his career shot down but I am not the one who has done this.
I have prayed and prayed for God to guide me on this. Some days I know fully it is the right thing to do and other days I still am trying to "protect my H" . Do you think it is the right thing to do from a man's perspective?
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
