Where are we?

[sandi2]

Hi Jay, well, I don't think a person can successfully go "dark" while living under the same roof. I don't think they can really do it well being S if they are co-parenting. Some claim that that is what they are doing, but I dont' think they really understand the term that Michelle uses in her book. However, you can certainly detach and even drop the rope......and there is a difference in those two terms also. If you drop the rope, you live your life just as you please and act as though you could care less what she does or when, were, or with whom. That's not to say you are ugly, vidictive or any of that behavior. It simply means that you have let her go and that you are moving forward with your life and that you are making plans as if she will no longer be a part of that life. I must tell you that a few people (and there are very few) that get the courage to take this route, but a lot of them have their S to take notice and decide that a D is not what they want after all. But, take heed, b/c this cannot be a bluff! If you decide to drop the rope, it has to be very sincere with you b/c you will have to stick to your guns or it is no good for you. It means that you are ready to move on. You let her go in every sense of the word......even if she is still under the same roof. Yes, it would be difficult b/c you would have to be rid of emotions b/c if you aren't, then she'll see them and that won't work b/c she'll know she still has the upper hand. Also, by getting rid of the emotions comes the great possibility of losing any your love for her. Maybe not all of it, but enough that you are the one that no longer wants to be M to her. That happens to a lot of people that detach so far that they decide they don't feel the same when the wayward spouse wants to come back. So, it is a very serious decision. All of the DB paths are serious, but at least one is neccessary and that is detaching.

Stay in touch.

Sandi