Dianes Roller Coaster Ride continued... lol

[Jayce]

WOW! Hi, I'd say Happy New Year...but...well, then again, one way or the other, it'll sure be different!

Does your email allow you to check on whether an email you sent has been opened? Frustration #1, he doesn't open them. #2, he opens them but does not respond. ANNNNNDDDD he can't hear you screaming in frustration from where he's at. Or hear you crying.

Did you tell him in the email that you are done if he doesn't respond to the problems you stated but continues with day-to-day small talk? I can understand not bringing it all up during the holidays. I'm sure it was much more pleasant for your kids and other family members. I'm guessing he figured you wouldn't for that reason. After 8 years he knows how you deal with him.

If it turns out you are done for sure, have you made plans for what you'll do next? My biggest condition was to stay in the house & keep my kids in their schools with their friends. If I hadn't been able to do that, I might have stayed w/ex altho I'd have wound up in "The Home" eventually. We had problems other than his ignoring the kids amd me in favor of his hobby.

Are your folks nearby? Do you have a pretty good 'support group' of girlfriends?

I have to wonder why your H married at all. A ready made family to give him the illusion of a normal life even tho he's rarely home? So he won't have to live w/parents when he is in town? Or live alone? Did he think you'd be grateful to have someone take care of you & your kids and that was all that was important to you?

Guys are puzzling in a lot of ways. My reading has taken me in the direction of how the male mind works compared to the female. Like the part about our brains being differently constructed. It helps me a lot. I've seen way more guys interacting among each other than with their wives & girlfriends. It helps a lot to know some stuff is characteristic of men in general, not things H does purposely to hurt, annoy, or anger me, or push me away. However---I haven't read anything that would explain your H.

I wonder if he saw his deliberate withholding of sex as abuse (which it is in a psychological way)if it would make a difference since he suffered physical & psychological abuse for so long. He may see himself as the opposite of an abuser, a White Knight, because he doesn't demand sex or physical proximity. To him you may have the perfect life, no threatening adult in your home and no one making you have sex. In a way, deliberately withholding sex from someone who wants & needs it is like torture. Willfully depriving someone is abuse. Even guys who aren't "capable" because of health conditions can and do satisfy their partners. The intimate connection is important to them. Because of his early life, your H may have no concept of intimacy.

I guess just as people with little desire don't understand the rest of us, I don't understand them. At all. Read a lot about them, women especially, and don't understand 'em. It'd be nice if some of the LD ladies didn't see the rest of us as abnormal or sluts. If we complain about lack of sex, they kinda see us as loony. Or worse, lucky LOL.

Hold the good thoughts. Hug your kids and remember, you are a fine, intelligent woman and your value has nothing to do with how your husband treats you.
J