Hey SC, thanks. Well, I didnt do so well after all. H saw that I was crying. And then I called him and said, what did you tell our s so I know what to say. He said, I told him, Son, I waited until after the holidays, but now I have to leave.
I said, well, it would have been nice if you said that to me instead of, oh by the way, I am leaving today to go live with ow's mom (ow lives in another state). I said, dont you think it would have been kinder of you to sit down with me and talk to me like I am a human instead of the way you did, as if you were talking about the weather? And then I hung up on him.
So much for holding it all together. In the meantime, my 18 year old son is curled up in a ball on his bed. My h told him the first time and stayed a year, then told him again and stayed a month, so I am sure my son thought, as I subconsciencely did, that he was staying.
I am really sad and angry. I am angry that I allowed my h, whom I have known for 30 years,to make me feel worthless. That he could be so cold and talk to me about leaving as if I were nothing to him.
I am angry with myself that I had 18 months, and I did nothing about finding a better job, I did not protect myself financially and I did not GAL the way I should have.
I am crying my eyes out and I hurt as I did when he first dropped the bomb. He even said to me, why do you still have feelings for me. And I wonder myself why I do.
