When do the tears go away ?

[whitneypinch]

Well, in some way I am try to let go as well.

I had a great conversation with a close friend last night. I had been beating myself up that 75% of this was my fault. Of course we know it's 50/50. My friend pointed out that she feels actually most of this was my wife’s fault for never speaking up. Listen I am not interested in blame here. The truth is we both messed up. It just was nice to get a positive re-enforcement that I am pretty awesome the way I am and was.

I, like most of you have trouble seeing what I WAW is searching for, but that is her journey.

I have been getting better with starting the process of letting go. I have noticed when I leave my WAW alone that when she does contact me she is kind. When I contact her she is cold and short with me. Sooooo, I just won’t contact her anymore.

I get my kids in a few hours and am sooooo excited. I have them for a week. That is not usual for me but my WAW is on one of her new mini vacations. She has done this 3 times in the last year. It used to bother me now I just turn it around and know how fortunate I am to have my kids. I have noticed that my kids seem to be closer to me than her. I am not keeping the score but know this is because of the fantastic one on one time I spend with them. My W has a nanny and the nanny does many things "for" the kids.
I am so fortunate that I have the relationship that I now have with my kids. Just so damn sad that W never get to see this. She only remembers the family time as me being stressed out and selfish. I am 100% opposite to that now. I just did not feel that when we were all together as a family. Some of us are slow to get those feelings.

Anyway, as I have less contact with my W I find that it actually gets easier and I am able to concentrate more on my own life. Sadly, the less contact I have with her also let's me feel her slipping further and further away into her new life. But I can't know what is going on in her head and in her life. I do see some inconsistencies so I know she must have some struggles.

Another day goes by....