out of clever titles

[hoosiermama]

Yeah, your H slept on the d@mn couch because he chose to sleep there, etc. etc. We all choose our own behaviour. Yes, I am sure you had some fault, but you didn't turn to someone else outside the marriage. Like my H at the time of our sitch, would argue that we never ML and that I would walk right past him knowing how he felt .... BS!!!! I am a mindreader now???? He made no romantic overtures to me so how the heck was I to know he was interested. These MLCers!!!! What a crock of 'you know what'. Maybe you should start taping these threats and accusations because I can tell ya, he won't remember saying them. At least, when he denies saying it, you can press the tape and play it back so he can hear it for himself.

I agree that D12 should not be involved in any arrangements, or discussions. It's not for her to be the messenger. That is too much of a burden for a young girl like her. She will end up resenting her father for this.

Oh, I am so PO at your H for you, although I am sure you are enough for both of us. Definitely, find a way for his family to know whose about to enter the fold.

Oh yeah, the sleeping on the couch thing. That seems to be his big complaint. But he always said he felt "unwelcome" in bed, but was never very clear about why or how it could be different. D says he still sleeps on the couch at his place!! He can't fall asleep if it's quiet and falls asleep in front of the TV. I don't know how many times I must have said that little things mean a lot--and holding hands, terms of endearment (he never had any for me!), heck--any of the love languages would have been welcome and probably accomplished what he was looking for easily! But instead he projected entitlement and anger and resentment. I know, I know--it's a vicious cycle, I understand that. But when I was so specific about needing affection and emotional intimacy and he declined--now it just seems like he was looking for an excuse.

I have told H over and over that he is destroying his relationship with D12 because of the OW--but he simply believes that I "planted that idea in her head" and I'm trying to poison her against him. She figured it out completely on her own, and I want her to have a positive relationship with him for her sake. She will end up resenting him; I think she already does to some extent. She has verbalized many times that OW broke up the family--again, I never told her that. I have talked with her about midlife crisis, talked about D not being himself and making choices he wouldn't ordinarily make--because I thought it would help separate his current behavior from who he really is. I think that has helped her cope just a bit--it's okay to love him while not loving his behavior.