First, I want to thank you so much for continuing to check on me and write. It's funny you should ask those questions. My Mom asked me the same thing today. She asked if I still love my H and do I really want to be M to him, or just want to be M? I really don't know the answer right now. I also don't think that I am in a great frame of mind to answer those questions.
I don't think that my H ever really met my needs, but I'm also not sure that I asked for him to meet my needs in the most positive way. My way of trying to get what I wanted was to nag and be passive-aggressive. I am trying to be more open and specifically ask for what I need, and then follow through. This is a 180 for me.
The thing that I most have to let go of is that I can't fix H. I need to work on GAL, and focusing on what makes me happy. I can't make up his mind, I can't make him happy, and I can't make him love me. I haven't gone out with friends, without my kids ever. Money has always been part of the problem, but I need to find some things that I enjoy for me and do them. I need to make me a priority.
So this is what I am going to do: 1. Stick with my guns that H can't live here until he is willing to NC with OW 2. Start running 3 times a week (I feel soooo much better when I do that) 3. Plan a night out with the girls for next weekend. 4. No R talks with H 5. Smile and be happy whenever around H.
