Still Tryin's 3rd piecing

[S.T. _I Made It!]

no, he usually doesn't ask me if it's something he really wants to do. It's not often it happens, and I do feel that God has put him in charge of the family, and that he is suppose to be the leader of the house, so I'm not bothered by it. Usually he knows my opinions on things, like if he were to have said, hey we're going to move back to Wichita next month... ya, I'd have a problem. And granted, I would have like him to ask my opinion, but he is the one working the job, and I have been dying for him to take a risk for years.

and in regards to him wanting to quit. that's been for the last 3 years. see how long it takes him to do something?!? his friend actually offered him to try about 5-8 years ago I think, but you know what? if he had done it then too, we wouldn't be together, I'm almost positive. our M wasn't strong enough, hadn't gone thru enough trials to stand up to being away that much. probably.

I did tell him that I was excited and scared and sad. glad that he was taking a risk and that he deserved so much more than what pepsi gave him, and I didn't want him in something that he hated, scared about the ins part, sad because he'd be gone more from the family, scared about what it could do to us being apart, and my thoughts on moving...that he dragged me down here and if he would have asked me 2 years ago to move back, I woulda said yes in a heart beat, but now things are different and I don't want to move.

So, he says he hasn't thought about the moving thing... although I'm sure he has, and I'm positive he wants to move back. But that's really not fair, IMHO. I moved for him, then his mom moves back to wichita and we're here alone for 6 years and I finally make a life for myself and then he wants to move back. I know he's suppose to lead our family, but I mean, is that really fair?

And actually, he really doesn't have to move to KS to do the job. He just needs to be there for a couple months to train. The job requires them to travel everywhere, so it really doesn't matter where he lives. I understand the desire to be with friends and have our kids grow up with their kids, but we're only 3 hours away, it's not like an all day drive.

anyways, I just really don't wanna move now darnit.

even though my band thing kinda collapsed, but I'm still working with one of them thru email and we're going to try to write songs together, which I've never done, but I am letting God guide me and hopefully I'm following the right path.