I wish I could give you advice, but I may be taking it from you in six months time. Currently my kids, freshmen in HS, are totally oblivious to the situation. We've been very good at keeping it from them and they think that dad going out with his friend is completely normal.
I talked to my C about this yesterday, because I am concerned about being the bad guy down the road. To fill you in, basically my H just started ignoring me. We are still together in the same house and in the same bed, but if he could get farther away in the bed without falling off he would. Kind of amusing actually. So, he doesn't want me, but he's too comfortable in his situation to ditch me either. So I was concerned when I take action down the road (because I can't live like this forever) that I will wreck my relationship with the kids. My C assured me that as long as we handle things well and evenly, if that time comes, the kids will realize how its come to this. They will think back on all the times dad spent with his friend in a different light and as long as I don't run down their dad to them, they will be good with me.
As far as them being good with him...only he can control that. If he is a nice guy, doesn't run me down to them, etc...they will get over it, but they will remember. My C says she does a lot of work with kids and teens and even in abusive or neglectful situations, kids get over it. They want to love their parents.
So, if you want to believe my C, as long as you and your H are good to the kids and don't run each other down during this time, the kids will recover. Of course your son is mad at the situation. I'm sure you are too. I would just keep reminding them of their dad's good points and reminding them that they are loved and that this situation is between you and H. Not with them (even if H is ignoring them as well). Maybe you can just say, "dad has some problems right now" or something like that.
Wish I could help more. You have all my positive thoughts and wishes.
Married - 19 years Noticed Problem - Aug 2008 THE Conversation - Oct 2008
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
