Hi Cyrena. He never promises to ring then doesnt, just alludes to ringing soon and then has done every few weeks lately. He did leave me in a financial mess with NO discussion then or since, but he did pay ALOT of money in to our account, first after leaving me and since whenever I needed him to. He always paid for everything last summer when he took me out, wouldnt go 50/50 anymore! So I feel he has been very generous and I put that down to guilt. But you could be right, it could be controlling, but it doesnt seem abusive.
He has been controlling though and I have spoken to my C about it. Isnt it about him and this MLC though? about his depression, being extremely avoidant and for some reason, needing to keep the utmost control since leaving me, maybe some fence sitting, who knows? Like not giving me his address for 5 months, or the phone number for 4! Or sidestepping questions about me contacting him or seeing him, yet contacting me whenever he feels like it and yet being unable to explain these actions.
He was not remotely controlling in our R. He let me do whatever I wanted, was never jealous, possessive, moody or even disapproving. He was supportive and I felt we had a pretty equal R, although in reality, I probably held a subtle balance of power for the first 5/6 years as he said to me at the bomb. Maybe thats why he wants to have control now? I really have no idea though! Its not rational.
As for allowing him.. well, I've been 'dbing' all year, trying to get over him leaving me, get a life AND win him back. So, I have 'put up with' his MLC, his depression, his wierd behaviour. The alternative is to say, I'm done and then it all stops hey. Like you say, once he comes out of it, he wont realise how much time passed or how bad he really behaved. Thats if he does come out of it! I'm still lacking in faith/self-belief, the more time that passes with him gone...
