NW- you just made me laugh so hard -thank you...I am now very tempted to walk up to a table and do that...it would surely shock the hell out of the people I'll be working with - as they seem as this very serious, controlled, quiet person...
And you're also so very right - DBing is rewarding in and of itself - and I cannot ever forget that. I felt the rewards in a huge way yesterday when my S11 was talking with me about other people - and, out of nowhere, he said, "I just don't think it makes sense to try to change other people. People have to change themselves." When he said that I just froze - and then asked him a little more about what he meant...sure enough, he knew what he meant...he went on to tell me that it was sad to him that my W kept trying to change me - and that she should have worked on herself instead...he then asked me if I had ever wanted to change anything about my W. I answered him honestly and said, yes, there were some things I had tried to change about her - at which point he got very quiet - and then said, "I'm sorry for saying this, dad, but maybe that's why it didn't work." I felt my eyes fill with tears - of joy - as I was so glad that he was learning the right things through all this mess. When he was a baby I used to call him the little Buddha...he's got this strange kind of calm wisdom that just changes the atmosphere in a room sometimes...I don't know if it's odd to say this, but I admire my son. He's still a child in so many ways - but he is such a remarkable young man. DBing, learning from my you, my friends here, has finally made me feel like I can offer him the kind of wisdom he sometimes looks toward me to offer him.
....and now for a bit about my W...when she came by to pick up my baby boy tonight she actually got out of the car and rang the doorbell instead of calling from the car...that was surprising. She also had a check for me for her half of the car insurance (since we can't divide that apparently until we are legally separated or divorced). I offered her the plantains - which she refused (as I expected) - but she didn't snap at me when I asked to give my baby boy one more hug before they left since I wouldn't be seeing him for about a week...
Just before she left she said, "have fun in Las Vegas" - and then goodbye...while she was out there I got in my car and went out to meet a friend for some drinks - I had to head out right away as she came by later than expected - and I had plans to meet with my friend at 8pm - so she saw me drive off...I'm just going to keep this PMA/GAL thing going...it's so healthy - so helpful - so necessary. And I will continue to wish the best for her...and hope that she finds some happiness eventually...whether or not it includes me.
