Actually I am the one who decided to change my cell phone plan. I decided that paying for her and her parent’s phone every month was kind of a burden considering she never calls me I have been trying to be supportive, but decided that it is a fine line from support to enabler. She is no closer to me after a year of me being the nice guy, and a story from the db book kind of rang true to me. The one about the husband who was very submissive to his W then finally called her on her bad behavior, I am not telling her “Look you don’t call me why should I pay.” I AM saying “Look you want to be on your own then this is what it will be like. Here is the reality of being single.’ It’s a new tunnel I am trying.
In a way I have been very afraid to stand up to her and truly let her know I will be fine if she leaves. Her justification for leaving is I was a yeller who one time grabbed her wrist and took her for granted. I have desperately tried to show her my loving, kind, and hopeful side. I have worked on myself 24/7 in an attempt to both be a better person for her, and a better person for myself. She has seen changes by her own admission, but they don’t matter. That tells me my bouts of yelling were indeed bad, and the wrist grab was a wrong action by any account, but they were not the true problem. I can stand here and say the problem is she cant let anything go, but that’s not the truth either. She IS hurt ant that is the reality SHE is living in. the problem is she has to WANT it to be better. She has to TRY to make it work, or nothing I accomplish will be noticed, or deemed worth noticing
