Standing on the Edge

[MsMelancoly]

Because it seems to keep coming back to this. This is where I was slow to learn, this is what hurt her. ( Of course her attempts to address this put me off...another story).

Have you apologized for this?


If she could also learn to forgive, empathise, recognize and try to meet my needs (for admiration, respect), stop the blame and accuse cycle

Since your W is still in the escape mode, unfortunately, it seems your needs, which are valid will have to wait.

Blame & accusations - not good. But in a strange & warped way, I guess it is communicating. WE cannot change the past, only learn from our mistakes. (I'm very good at mistakes & learning from them only after making them a few times ..... hopefully).

Have you ever read The Relationship Cure, by John Gottman?? A very good book about how to communicate effectively to your spouse, children, friends, co-workers ..... and others. I thought the chapter about communicating to children was especially insightful. Maybe after reading it & judging it for yourself, you could leave it out for your W to spot (since it wouldn't be directly realated to her, but rather to better yourself). I actually gave it to my H last year. Don't know if he read it, but I suspect it was the book he loaned to his mother. (Last time we met I asked for the R books I gave him back - if he hadn't burned them).