Still Tryin's 3rd piecing

[S.T. _I Made It!]

thanks T!



Journal.
Well guess what my H has said. He is planning on quiting at beginning of Feb! I'm scared and happy and sad all at once.

He went back to work today after vaca and just is done. He's tired of the little pay and just everything. I am very proud of him for making plans to take a risk. wish it was with me and the monavie, but that's okay, at least he's planning this. He's always been, since he started working after we got prego, the type of person to just be comfortable and never take a risk. This job he's had for 11-12 years now.

So, the plan is, to use 2 weeks vaca in a month and go to KS to stay with his mom or friend to learn pulling dents. his friend of 20 years has had his own biz for 12 and the guy makes in one day what James does in a week. and that's when he's not even doing anything and spending money too! The only scary thing, is there's no benefits, so no health ins (not that we need the doc, we never need to go anymore) and he'll have to train w/o pay for possibly almost 2 months. Which we could do, but it's still scary.

the other scary thing is, that his friend may be gone for a week, or may be gone for a whole month at a time. They travel to the hail sites, which they even went to Germany for 2 months last year. So, I said, is that a good thing for our family? I really don't want what happened to years ago to happen again. He said that he felt we were passed that and that no, it's not the best for the family, but thought we know better now. and the fact that we will never get out of our debt unless we file for BK, or something drastic happens, like this.

So, I definitely need to leave this one up to God.

He did mention, how he's kinda sick that he never went to his friend for a job before (didn't want to be like everyone else asking for a job), and that things would be way different, but then he'd probably be single and wouldn't have met me and had all this. so that was nice. as long as he wasn't being sarcastic! lol and if you've been at our house in the last week, you would think he WAS being sarcastic! 2day was much better though, not much yelling or fighting between us all.

anyways, that was way long, I'll keep ya'all posted on the job though! I'll definitely have more time to check up on everyone if he's gone for weeks at a time!!!

what do you all think about that? I'm also scared for the influence. his friend is not a strong christian, doesn't go to church and not sure if he has a belief, just know his wife was catholic and he went sometimes. And all the guys that work together in the company can really hold their own when it comes to drinking, which they do a lot I think. my H, cannot, and I don't think he would fall into that very easily, but you just never know. So, although I love the fact that he is wanting to make a big step (finally after all these years) I'm still scared of the impact to our family it will have. or maybe it will make him love the home more? maybe I can make changes with the house, or with the kids easier if he's not here. oh IDK. a dad should always be present.

this makes me sad. I'm really not a needy person, and we were apart the first 4 years of our R, and it really didn't bother me as much as it would all my GFs who would die if their H would leave for a week. But also, my H's supposed top 5LL is quality time. how can we have quality time if he's not here, and he doesn't really like to talk much.

definitely don't read all that in one sitting!!!!

thanks friends for any input.