Standing on the Edge

[native]

She probably is in reaction mode & not action mode and not just w/you, but w/your D was well.

I think my W's main way of coping with the world is to react emotionally, which her counsellor told her short circuits the brain. When we are controlled by emotion, the brain is in neutral. I was thinking about this today.

She admitted to me that generally she is in 'escape' mode right now.

I know W has problems beyond those caused by our marriage.

Still I wonder what the effect on her would be if I told her that I truly believed that so much of her behavior would have been different had I been able to love her in the way she needed.

Because it seems to keep coming back to this. This is where I was slow to learn, this is what hurt her. ( Of course her attempts to address this put me off...another story).

If I was given a chance to romance her and work through these intimacy issues with the knowledge I have now, I see a 50/50 chance of success.

If she could also learn to forgive, empathise, recognize and try to meet my needs (for admiration, respect), stop the blame and accuse cycle, deal with her anxiety effectivly and have faith that everything will get better if we are willing to learn, then I see a 95% chance of success for us.