Hi Trapt, Thanks for coming...I don't know often feel as strong as I might sound here, I think - though I also have to remember what Veronica mentioned once - that you can still cry and heal and get stronger all the same time - and I think a lot of the emotions going through me of late have to do with the changes that are finally taking hold in me...
She just called a few minutes ago - after I got home from picking up my baby boy at day care...I was crying in the car on the way home - just feeling so damn sad that I am not sharing this time in his life with his mom...but not really crying about her and wanting her back - more about him and what he might be missing out on (he's sitting her next to me now- he seems a bit tired and just sat down on the couch and asked for Elmo...very cute).
Okay - so she called and asked if I would mind if she came by later tonight to pick him up since she has to miss work tomorrow...I hadn't heard anything about her missing work - so I asked why (instantly thinking I shouldn't have) - saying, "oh really, what's up?" Turns out she has a root canal...this will be her third...I paid for the first two, so I wonder how she'll afford this one...anyway...the point is just that she answered me without making a big deal of it - only adding, "don't worry about it, I'll be fine." So...conversations are slowly getting a little longer - and they're not about anything really - just small, quick opportunities to be friendly...she still sounded distant - and this time I made sure to be the one to get off the phone first...
