Trixi aka "The Pitbull who can't let go"

[Trixi]

Yes, you are all right. Today I had a weak moment and *almost* sent a TM to H to see how the court date went. But decided against it...

Spoke with SS earlier. It continues to get worse over there. H asked SS (while high) how I was doing and SS said "She's still pissed off-what do you think?!" and H was all "oh no. no, not that. I don't want that. Well, we'll have a lot of time to talk on the way back from [city where rehab is]" SS said "Look, if you're just going to say more of the same about how you don't know what you want, but you need to lead your own life, etc, just save your breath. She doesn't need to hear it."
While SS was in the studio, RM comes in, closes the door and starts smoking weed. SS was incensed- even H said "WTF are you doing?!" and RM was like "WTF is your problem?!" to H. At that point, SS had stormed out of the room. H came downstairs and SS said "Don't bother saying anything. I know you're mad at RM right now, but you *know* what the right thing to do is. He should be out of this house. Don't bother to talk to me because it's just words-never action." SS was so mad he was shaking.

SS said to me that he keeps trying to tell himself that H loves him and cares about his sobriety- but it's getting harder and harder to convince himself of that because H's actions don't back up the words.

In the store the other day the three of them were shopping, H says to RM, 'hey how about you pay for the groceries to go towards rent' and RM says (not realizing that SS didn't have both i-pod headphones in his ears) 'why should I do that? I'm not your son." SS challenged him on saying it, RM says "well, I know you only got f'ing pizza rolls, but you'll eat half of the rest of the food." SS pointed out that he was leaving for rehab in two days, so, no in fact, he wouldn't be. And H doesn't even say anything!!!

SS is prepared to try to find a sober-living house for after rehab, or move in with his x-best friend's family. And I did VERY tentatively offer my spare room. SS was gracious and said he would know it's there if he needs it-he wouldn't hold me to anything because he knows my sitch is tight over here. And then he ranted about the other house is very big and it's ridiculous that H can't actually pony up to act like a dad.

I picked up The Traveler's Gift for SS to read in rehab. (He's a voracious reader.)

Nik, I will read and re-read and then read again your ideas on what to say on Wednesday. The good news (if you can call it that) is that I am rapidly losing respect for him. For all of his "Family is so important to me" talk, the way he picks RM over everyone else, the way he won't make any real changes to his lifestyle...and to add insult to injury; talking about how disappointed he is in how our family turned out (and blaming me for it) while he will do nothing NOW to change things-what a jackass. His son is desperately trying to create a relationship with him and he is WAY more concerned about his stupid music and his stupid RM. I wonder if several years down the road he'll be expressing more regrets for not getting priorities straight.
Only then instead of saying "I wish I hadn't focused so much on being successful at work" he'll be saying "I wish I hadn't focused so much on myself and my music."

Yeah, I do need to get into AlAnon or an ACOA group. I think seeing SS be shoved aside has finally brought out that "mama bear" in me and is opening my eyes. I guess I felt like *I* could handle being treated shabbily--but don't freaking treat *my* KID shabbily!