WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice IV

[dday101798]

....If her whole life is about OM and she is in love with him and he is in love with her then why is she miserable?....

To which you wrote,
"Well, if she's anything like my W, and virtually every situation you describe sounds exactly the same, the two of them must own a hell of a lot of stock in Tums Antacids, mine was/is eating half a damn bottle of things daily. Why? Well, if what my W says now is true, that she misses me and thinks of me daily, then it's because she knows what she's doing is wrong and that deep down inside, her reasons to justify her actions are not valid. "


OR-----What if she sees you in a new light? Aren't you a different man than the one she left? Is this about her being "wrong", or you two having a future together? IF it's the latter, remember you will never be able to bring OM up, not "well later on..." never. IF you are going to forgive her, you have to let it go. AND you have to own up to whatever your part in the problems were. Hence the phrase, "Keep the Road Home, Paved and Smooth."

It'll be harder for her to come back, than you realize. The more others see OM, and the more negative feedback she gets about him, the more defensive she'll become.

You are right to bite your tongue. Keep up the DBing, it's working.
J-

Thanks 25yr, took me a while to find the post in the quote there, but after finally getting all caught up on LD's thread I found that embedded message.

For my sitch it she says it the way I've pulled myself though all this that showed her what she'd have lost. I was always self reliant and on top of things. Then slowly but surely we were so wrapped up in our house that I cared about nothing, cared to do nothing, just work, come home, do what needs to be done, then sloutch til doing it all over again the next day.

Now, I run the show, the house is always clean, meals are always cooked, the bills are always paid, and even when I'm short, I find a way, but most importantly, my kids and I do more now in a week than we used to do in a year.

So, I think it's a bit of all, she does see me in a new light, I am a different man than the one she left. Is this about her being wrong, no. As discussed in my thread, we FINALLY got through all the problems that led up to the 'end' and we FINALLY agree that we both have our contributions to the problem pile. And we FINALLY both agree, even in the thick of it, our marriage wasn't so bad, and coould potentially be better than ever if given the chance.

Her relation to OM is her problem and is no need for discussion with me except as to where my kids are concerned. Otherwise, I don't care, I care about my relation with her.

Sorry 'bout the thread jack LD.