Maybe I should be in piecing part 5?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Thanks guys.

I do see hope. I just hope it happens before I can't give any more, but with Puppy's news, I have renewed strength.

H4U, it's been literally frightening to me -- to both of us -- how quickly we can turn from deep, deep "done-ness" to a day like we had yesterday. It was just plain SCARY.

One of the things that perhaps has scared you is how much of your feelings you start to feel yourself losing at times. But when it's true love, they are like embers that can easily be fanned and re-ignited.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Thanks guys.

I do see hope. I just hope it happens before I can't give any more, but with Puppy's news, I have renewed strength.

H4U, it's been literally frightening to me -- to both of us -- how quickly we can turn from deep, deep "done-ness" to a day like we had yesterday. It was just plain SCARY.

One of the things that perhaps has scared you is how much of your feelings you start to feel yourself losing at times. But when it's true love, they are like embers that can easily be fanned and re-ignited.

Puppy

That's what I'm counting on Pup. Just hope the wind picks up soon!

[Hope4us]

Guess I'll have to rethink my strategy.

Just talked to my old boss and the transfer he was working on has fell through. My new boss knows the situation, but for now, no transfer. Guess the bad economy is to blame as most transfer's in our company are now on hold for a while.

It's ok though, at least I'm not in limbo for my job. Now it's just my marriage

But I think this could be ok. It's almost made me re-adjust my thinking to more of a long term approach to my marriage. And we all know what WAS's need is time, correct?

[InLikeFlynn]

Isn't the OM suppose to move back into the area???

[Puppy Dog Tails]

But I think this could be ok. It's almost made me re-adjust my thinking to more of a long term approach to my marriage. And we all know what WAS's need is time, correct?

That's certainly what they would tell you, yes.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Not sure Flynn. All I know was about a year ago, OMW told me it was a possibility. And if it happens, it wouldn't be until some time next fall, but now that he's found the next love of his life, I'm not sure I see it happening.

Anyway, The way I look at it, if he does move back and W and I are still not where both of us want to be, then I'll just move on. I'm done worrying about the POS. If she is talking to him she will never responsd to me but, at least we're really good friends now and I can live this way for a while. If we were separated I'd be doing things with friends anyway, so since I'm doing stuff with my best friend anyway, what's the difference?

And since my new boss knows the situation, I'm imagining that something will come up in the next year. Not exactly what I'd planned, but it puts into focus what I need to do, so I can live with it.

[Hope4us]

But I think this could be ok. It's almost made me re-adjust my thinking to more of a long term approach to my marriage. And we all know what WAS's need is time, correct?

That's certainly what they would tell you, yes.

Puppy

So are you saying I should give her more time or I should push the subject like seems to have happened to you and (what do you call her?) the fetching Mrs. Puppy?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I can't tell you what to do. I can only point out my observations of my own, and other people's, sitches, and what's worked and what hasn't.

Open-ended "I will give you all the time and space you need" arrangements rarely work. Deadlines almost always do, but you have to be careful that:

a) They are expressed as YOUR own personal boundaries, and NOT you trying to control THEM;

b) They CANNOT be a bluff; they must be SINCERE and you have to be willing to face the consequences behind them; and

c) You may end up getting something that looks a helluva lot more like COMPLIANCE than it does like COMMITMENT. Without a parallel DBing/GAL plan to go along with it, I don't think such hard-line approaches are sustainable.

So I can't tell you what to do. But I see where you always found comfort knowing you had these built-in dates on the calendar, and they framed a LOT of your strategies and tactics. Now that these built-in circuitbreakers have been removed, I worry that you will go into "Whatever happens -- happens" mode, and in fact I can already hear that from you.

That's not a criticism, or even specific advise -- just an outside observation, fwiw.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

P.S.

a) You CANNOT control the other person's ultimate actions or decisions.

b) You CAN, very much control the overall agenda, timeframe, strategies and tactics, and also communicate your OWN boundaries and the consequences for crossing them. So long as you realize "a)".

[sandi2]

Sandi, I think you just misunderstood my post. I think a big step would be to have her just SLEEPING in the marital bed again.
At first, reading your post, it seemed like you were just on a rant, but midpost, you started to make sense and hit the mark.

Sorry if I got you riled up.

Honey, I think I just got "mixed up"! I didn' know who the heck I was talking to!

Yeah, I probably did misunderstand b/c that was what I thought you were saying--that you wanted to get her into bed for sex, but that you wanted her to initiate it. And, yeah, I'll have to admit that some old wounds tried to open again thinking about that. You see, to me, when a woman goes to all the trouble she went to to do what she KNOWS you like, then that is her way of initiating affection. But, as I said before, unless it has always been her nature to do initiate sex, then she probably has a very difficult time, especially if it has been a long time since the two of you ML. I also know that women are like men in one respect of all of this.....and that is the fact they want what they can't have quiet so easily. That is why I said make her work for it a little bit longer, but don't push your luck. Also, like when she came into the room looking all hot and just the way you like her.......you could have given a soft, slow, wolf wistle and when she looked at you, give her a wink. God, there is nothing sexier than a wink! You could have even patted the seat and said, "Hey pretty lady, come over her and sit next to me, cause I am cold and you are soooo hot." (Or something cheesy like that. ) If she did, but didn't smile.....then that would have told you she wasn't ready for anything more, but if she had smiled and went to sit close to you.....then that is when you could have continue with the playfullness and let nature take its course. But, if you don't build up to in before you even get close to the bedroom hallway, then you probably aren't going to get positive results in the bedroom.

Anyway, if you tried all that and I was blind and missed it, I apologize. And, I didn't mean to be beating you up. Friends?

Sandi