Wow Cyrena. thank you so much for taking the trouble to post that and I hope its helpful to others. Thats really intersting, my ex seems to fit the on off angry/depressed stages like your H!

Firstly.. I totally agree about BMF! I have no intentions of calling him. I guess we will be friendly when college starts back, but thankgod I wasnt interested, or encouraged him. Lucky for his W too!

For his timeline...he watched his Dad die, end July 2005, which fits with his comments to BMF about fear of dying/ageing and it being 'too late' soon. He went into denial and refused to admit he needed to talk about it within a MONTH of his death. He became withdrawn, shut off and silent. By Oct 2006, he was depressed.

He then became angry and resentful and started talking about "what I want to do" and pleasing himself by Feb/March 07. He rewrote our history that summer and started dressing younger. He was phoning Helen secretly and staying late at work through bomb time Aug/Sept 07, but when I asked him, he got angry and said he wasnt interested in her and it was nothing to do with her. He bought an Ipod and younger music (left ALL his old favourite CDs behind when he moved out) and began spending money like water on holidays, new music, new phone, PC etc and moaned about not being able to afford an expensive high spec.. sportscar!!! (he always despised modern cars). So is that REPLAY then??

He was angry and depressed until he started this R with Helen in August 08, but refuses to admit he was interested in her before then. He's not so angry at others now, but full of self-loathing and still depressed.

..my own EA spanned 2 1/2 years from start to finish from our first meeting, but the first year wasnt fully conciously admitted to myself. It took me a year to tell BFF and then my 2 week sort of PA was at the 2 year mark! When I snapped out of it, it took me 6 months to fall back in love with my ex.

I found some old emails last night from end Jan 07.. I kept asking why he had to work so late and saying I missed him, come home! I forgot he was doing that. I know she started working there Jan 07 from her records. So he could have had a crush on her right away, or when they worked together June 07, I dont know. So he's either at the 18 month mark, or 2 years. I wonder if he is losing interest yet?

You had a hard road to travel and yet your H didnt leave to have an A. But my ex has ended it. I know that if we WERE M though, theres no way he would have mentioned the D word, even now.

Whats helpful about your post is.. dont take it personally. Dont expect understanding, real explanations or hearfelt apologies. They are in pain, so they cant feel your pain. My ex often said last year he couldnt handle anyone elses upset (inc mine) as he was depressed. I cant really understand how he can stick with Helen if shes as awful as everyone says, but I guess its 'easy', as he said, he's just 'going along with it'.

In light of this..should I stay friendly and reach out to him a little, if he is depressed and in MLC?