"they are not away because of us. They are away because of themselves." Remembering that calms me a lot - soothes my pain and sorrow - and makes it much easier to love my W for some reason...as I don't reflect on what she's done to us/me/our family - rather, I look instead at how much pain she must be in -
Carlos,
You have it. That is precisely why I tell this to myself, all the time. It helps me find compassion for someone I love. I agree that it helps alleviate the pain and sorrow, too. At least that which comes when we think we drove them away.
I am not saying, contrary to DB principles, that we did not have things about us that needed fixing or attention. Rather, that they are going through something that is, for the most part, really all about them.
As for their finding the strength and courage to work on their issues they have already started. As painful as it was for us, they left. That was the first step in finding the solution for themselves. On some level, they must have recognized that they would not find their solutions while staying with us. I guess we have to trust that they will keep moving forward on the path just as we are doing.
