Back on the rocks

[heatherg]

Yes, our six year old is his daughter, but I see where you are going with that. H is an absolutely fabulous father-they don't come any better quite simply. Now, when D is 16, 17 and brings friends home.....that is my concern. Not that he would ever act on it (like I said, he's a great father and his kids mean everything to him-he would never disappoint them like that), but that it would even interest him in private, in his thoughts....I'm concerned that it would.

I'm hesitant to conclude it's an addiction. I'm not sure what constitutes an addiction, but there are many men out there who say that it is absolutely 100% normal for a guy to view porn and that it could actually be slightly abnormal if he doesn't.

I'm trying hard to think of a way to make our next conversation about this not be 'more of the same'. He does know that I know...he actually makes sure he clears his history in such a way that there is nothing in the address bar for Internet Explorer or Google so that I can't see where he's been. He also routinely clears his temporary internet files. He's been 'caught' by all of that in the past so he's learned his lessons. On the surface, it signals that he knows he's doing something wrong. But he has indicated that he hides it because it's easier than dealing with the way I get about it. For instance, I've essentially been ignoring him since I found what I found.
You're right, there's no way to 'make him' stop. You can't make anybody do anything and whether I like it or not, porn is a part of his current life. I just want to be sure I understand why I feel the way I do and be able to at least calmy discuss and try to understand where he is coming from.
Alcohol used to be a huge part of H's life.....he used to drink quite a bit, only beer and only at home. He's cut down over the years and he drinks O'Douls often as well. It's not nearly the problem it used to be although he is still oddly ritualistic about it. H definitely has an addictive personality and I think he knows it, which is probably why he's never ventured into anything but beer. He steers entirely clear of liquor and drugs of any kind.