Anyway, sorry for the sidebar, but that's really the only ongoing issue we have in our marriage -- her lack of intimacy/physical touch/sex, and my poor pouting reaction to it, and then it snowballs.
This has gone on for 20 years.
Sounds pretty normal to me. I think the big change is accepting that most (if not all!) relationships have this type of thing. Some things are how we are wired as individuals. I remember telling my husband that if I've been a certain way for 20 years chances are I'm not going to change a whole lot. This doesn't mean I won't try or that I won't do my best to make things work as smoothly as possible. But certain things, disorganization, my tendency to be content as a homebody rather then a party girl, me prefering to be seduced rather then being the seducer, etc... I can work on it, bend a little, be a little adventurous at times, but basically I'm going to be me...
And things that bothered me about him.... immaturity, need for a busy social life, preference for sports and action movies, the non-emotional logical approach to life (I used to joke I was married to Star Trek's Spock!), etc.... well... rather then being bothered by these things I really love and appreciate him in spite of them. Both the positives and the negatives make him a unique and individual person and I'm just going to love the entire person regardless because one thing I learned during my D is being without those negatives was not worth losing the whole person... the history... my family.
I guess I've just learned to be much more relaxed and accepting of things. I've had to deal with a lot of challenges in my life so I have to figure a life without them might not be so interesting. It's the stuff that makes us grow.
P.s. I love the idea of you and your wife volunteering together at a shelter!!! I've gotten involved with a dog rescue and also wildlife rescue and it's really neat!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
PDT--I envy you having this opportunity. My prayers are for you, your W and family. Your words and advice to others here have given me clarity in times I was cloudy. Count me among the many people who are praying for you.
LE
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
And to everyone else who has posted, I apologize if I have not responded to you personally the past few days. A LOT has been going on, and I simply haven't had the time. I do appreciate EVERYONE's notes of support, love and concern, please do know that!
And to everyone else who has posted, I apologize if I have not responded to you personally the past few days. Puppy
Well, I personally will forgive you, if you make sure and give us an update once stuff has calmed down for you. You know how much we all care about you and I'm thrilled that things are going better for you!!! Karen
