I know what you mean about feeling like you lost it. I think that right now setting boundaries is the most important thing I can do for my own sanity and kids. I think my H needs to be away from me to get some clarity. Maybe that is what your W needs as well. You are not a doormat. You are a H who loves his W and wants to save his M.
Have you read the book "Love must be Tough" by Dr. Dobson? It is a Christian perspective and talks about boundaries and standing up for ourselves. I found strength in it words and message.
The one suggestion I have for you, and that I need to take myself is to stop the R talk. It sounds like you were having a nice evening, until the R talk began. Allow the lack of discussion regarding R and your actions of love speak for themselves. Remember, DR says that by saying you love her and want to work things out, it just reinforces that she doesn't feel that way right now. It doesn't mean that she can't come around, but right now we don't want to prove that she is correct.
Hang in there, have faith, I believe we will make it through this.
