Techguy is completely right - and that's just how I've felt recently...to think that I used to teach people how to meditate...somewhere along the line, I had forgotten about a lot of the other teachings of Buddhism that used to help me stay so very calm and happy...
The first day of school for my S11 after the holidays is always tough...mostly because I have to drop him off after having just spent two weeks with him...and this was the first time in nine years that it was really just the two of us for much of his break. We bonded a lot - talked a lot - and I learned a lot about him and how he is growing up. I also learned a lot about myself in these last two weeks - and am happy to see that I'm doing a good job as his dad...and just hope that I can offer my baby boy the same positive love as he grows up.
Now I have to bury myself in a ton of work that I kept putting off so I could spent time with my boys the last few days...
...all while making sure I don't get sucked into the sadness that I feel threatening to overtake me today - which is why I keep rereading what you wrote above, Veronica, "they are not away because of us. They are away because of themselves." Remembering that calms me a lot - soothes my pain and sorrow - and makes it much easier to love my W for some reason...as I don't reflect on what she's done to us/me/our family - rather, I look instead at how much pain she must be in - and how much she would have to go through to heal. I still don't know if she wants to do it - I know she could if she wanted to - she's incredibly strong in many ways - and brave - I just wish she could use that strength and bravery to find herself and find a way to be happy.
