It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[sandycay]

Hi all,

I need a little advice. We are living in the time of the start of the A till the day the bomb dropped on the 20th of this month. H seems to be having an increasingly difficult time with guilt.

Now, I know that in the small picture this can be a good thing, but this is literally destroying the man I knew or know. He goes through desperate feelings of needing to escape the guilt. That is scary. He says that he has always held himself with confidence and pride and now he can't do that because he has failed. Failed himself, me and our family. He feels "very stupid". He has always held himself above most men (that might be his downfalling right now)because of his ethics and values. Now he feels he can no longer do that or be that because of this one mistake he made. It's destroying him. He gets this look of despair and then quiet and then heavy breathing. Soon this is breaking away to tears and head grabbing. Something my H doesn't do.

It seems to be much more frequent in the last 4 weeks or so.
It seems to be gaining in frequency.

Here are the questions and please if you know anyone on the boards that could offer adive please point them my way.

1. Do you think it has to do with the time frame of the affair last year? He says no

2. How can I help him? I've already suggested (more than once) counseling. He says he will work through it but just living life.

Observations: In the month of Dec and Jan so far he has had 4 Number Unavailable on his cell phone. This is what used to show up when she called. He always told me about them as we have always been together when it has happened. He has a horrified look on his face everytime. All calls right around both holidays.

I will say that some of it seems unfair that I feel like I can't really talk to him about my feelings because it makes him feel guilty and right now he just seems fragile.

He went back to work today so maybe that will help. Of course it could be a slap in the face as his company is really busy with Her airline right now.

That's All Folks and thanks for the advice.