Episode IV: A New Hope (?)

[dday101798]

I would love to start this out by proclaiming the two best words to come in my life recently: DIVORCE BUSTED.

However, in keeping with reality, that is not a 100% done deal, but DAMN close.

W waited at my house yet again for me to get home Friday night, and once again, train problems made me late. She called while I was on the train home and asked what the hold up was as she wanted to talk more. When I told her i'd be about another half hour, she opted to get together at a later time.

Satruday W, comes over with S10 and looks great. Heh, my BIL, his friends and 'house-mate' are in total shock when they come downstairs to the basement and see me and W sitting within a few feet of each other talking civily.

The basic extent, she professes she still has deep feeimings for me, thinks and dreams of me all the time and has created a huge mess an ddoesn't know yet how to get out of it and do "what's right" and "what her heart tells her". She continually asks if it will work and will I trust her. we went over the problems that lead to the seperation without any finger pointing and concluded in the end that we were both wrong, our marriage wasn't as bad as it seemed and our good times for outweighed the bad and we just need to do a lot of work and with some help.

I've always held comfort in the fact I NEVER EVER during all this heard that "I love you but I'm not in love with you" junk. i've only heard say she loves me to others and now to me directly.

Again, I played the poker face and refrained from any physical contact. I did however tell her how great she looked.

She now has to deal with the hole she has dug. I offered her to use my employee assistance insurance to see a counselor if she thinks that would help her through.

The big problem now is that since she never honored one of two requests that she not be with OM directly in front the boys, they are now "emotionally attached". Cute. Suppossidly in order to come and talk to me, she had to "kick him out" as he was being unreasonable about the fact she was coming over to talk to me. This apparently upset the boys.

all in all, we spent about 3 hours grueling through everything and she needs to undo the damage she's done and quickly. She said at one point, "I know you probably just want to get on with your life and don't want to wait this out and I uderstand." I said no, somethings are worth waiting for, saying to myself, yeah right, you hucked me to the way-side with no regret, what makes HIM so damn different.

So in a nutshell, she wants to "slowly put a wedge between them as not to hurt or confuse the kids even more". She did confess they are "engaged" of which I kind of chuckled at but all the while, she loves me and cant quit thinking of me and what she left behind and now just needs to clean things up.

So, before anyone jumps up and says "doormat" or "safety net" don't even bother. she is once again behaving and talking as the person I knew and loved dearly for 11 years. And yet i offered her no emotion, no plan and even said a couple of times, she needs to get moving soon, as 2/1 is coming quick and once i walk out that door, I won't look back. I did decide I am going to stay in the house another 6 months but have yet to officially announce. I'd like to hear her want me to stay first.

So ironic summary,

W is having a EA with plans to get reconcille with me against OM who she left me for to have a PA. LOL, life.

Haven't heard from her since, bu tI am going to call her now as I was a little upset that the boys were dropped at 6:40 this morning with no call or anything and could bhave been locked out until I got of the shower.