Thanks Mishka..thanks for caring. My diatribe of 'whys' was more rhetorical! I cant help wondering WTH happened? But its unlikely I will ever know. My life feels like the last days of Rome right now. I only have a small family and its disintegrated this week which is upsetting and it makes me miss him all the more. On top of that, I have lost a good mate, but that was inevitable, considering the sitch. Unfortunately, he was my best friend and main support here, other than my ex, over the past 2 years, so thats a blow.
I know he took care of himself, I just felt after all those years, he owed me a little more care. He finds it hard to discuss his feelings though, so its not surprising in hindsight. His behaviour last year just made a bad break up worse. He probably knows that, which compounds his guilt. I didnt really expect to see him, but of course it would be lovely to. I'm sure he is having a tough time anyway, he does have depression. despite me imagining his R is all rosy and he is happy.
Like my Dad said earlier, its been hard on me hearing news of his 'confusion', but then the reality is, nooone knows how he really feels or if he will ever tell me. I probably need to face up to the fact he is in a mess/new R and just try and be his friend, of sorts, although, one that cant really contact him or see him hey!
