He did not close on the house, I don't know if he is still trying to buy it without me or not. Haven't asked. He did just throw away a lot of stuff out of his truck before he left for Texas. He threw it in our outdoor garbage can. There were booklets on windows and cabinets, presumably for the new house. He also threw away the spec sheets/estimates for new windows and cabinets and the plans he drew himself for his new living quarters. Don't know if that means he is giving up on the idea of the house or not, but he did throw it all away...
He actually slept here on the couch the last 3 nights before he went to Texas. That is what I meant when I said I was weak and it was same old same old...
I have no idea what his plans are but I am just making plans for the kids and I at this point. If he wants included it is his job to work his way back in not mine to pull him in...
I don't think he will be sleeping here anymore. He texted me throughout the night where he was, what he was doing, etc. Like old times...at midnight he was in central Kansas, at 7 he was 15 minutes from home...at 8:15 he was done unloading the cows and watering/feeding them...
Then suddenly nothing since then. Guess he decided to spend the day sleeping at his parents instead of sleeping here (he drove all day night from San Antonio to Glenwood without sleeping). So goes it, he made his choice and that is that...
Kids and I just got home from church. We leave in 45 minutes for a cousin's birthday party from 1-3 then Karate at 6 for stripe testing. Lots of things to do today!
Heading to the party, H just texted me he couldn't sleep so he is driving to Dougs to pick up some cows. Doug is 90 min. from here...hope he doesn't fall asleep driving!
Keep detatched BBJ. It seems like Dan is having trouble staying that way too. He wants his own life but he keep pulling you into the loop of his comings and goings. Tell me you aren't responding with anything when he sends these texts.
Chin up! Good luck to your sweetie on his stripe testing! I was a little confused though. You said he'll graduate from white to orange? Does your studio skip gold or do they have them reversed? I have heard some studios do that.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Mish They must be reversed, we go white then orange then yellow (gold) then cammo. Didn't know cammo was a belt, but it is at our school! Tonight he gets his "test-ready" third stripe (I HOPE!) then in 10 days they have graduation where he does it all again for the judges to see if he gets his orange belt...
Party was fun we stayed an extra hour so the kids could play. My cousin and I are one year apart, used to be very close until I got married and moved away. She has 2 boys the same age as my kids and they have a ball together. All in all with my cousins there were about 20 kids there. (I have mentioned my mom is one of 8 so I grew up with 20 cousins and now they all have kids who play with each other, it's a mob scene...)
Mishka I was replying to his texts but at church today a lightbult went on and I decided to stop replying to them. Unless they ask a specific question of me anyway. These didn't they were just "This is where i am and what I am doing" texts.
I am doing better. At this point if he walks I will still be so upset that the life I planned for myself will not happen like I wanted it to. But I am tired of putting in all the work. If he can't choose to be excited about me then what is the point...
Of all things on a soap opera the other day a girl was telling her ex "I tried and tried to love you as much as you loved me". He said, "You shouldn't have to TRY that hard to love me". She said, "I know, that's why I left"...
I think it is true that love is a choice and that it takes effort, commitment, and sacrifice to be with the one you love. It is not a cake walk. But if you need to be drug by horses to the point of even wanting to make the effort, then something is seriously wrong...
He told me last week if I wanted him for a 'boyfriend' (I have mentioned that I want him to be my boyfriend not just the father of my kids) I was going to have to look somewhere else. He said he was my husband not my boyfriend and things change as time goes on. His comment was "I am not going to sit on the couch holding hands and cuddling on Christmas Eve in front of my family". True, we did goofy stuff like that as teenagers, not paying attention to anyone else. That is not what I meant, I just mean I want us to ENJOY each other! How is that wrong? I still got excited when we lived in K.C. last year when I would see his truck pull in the drive and knew he was finally home from work at the end of the day, stuff like that.
I miss having someone excited about ME. I tried to think really hard about the last time I felt like Dan was visibly glad to be with me. I couldn't really think of a time since before our D was born 2 1/2 years ago. That is so sad.
I am just starting to feel like I am pouring all of this love, affection, attention into a vacuum. It just gets sucked up and I get nothing in return. Sure he works and makes the big money to pay for everything. He is a great dad to our kids and when I have night class or whatever he takes care of them (or his mom does!) so I can go.
But I want some flirting, joking, touching, laughing. It sucks so much not to have that. I am sure it is TMI but when he was on trips in the past we used to "play" on the phone,and I miss that! Now he calls, talks to me for a few minutes, then asks to talk to the kids. No I love you, I miss you, etc.
I just don't know how that disappears. If it had never been there, that would be sad, but I think it is even sadder for me that we DID have that and now we don't.
sounds like Dan sees marriage as a game..he was willing to do those things.."hold hands on the couch", court you and your family to win you and now that he has won you..he thinks it's ok to just get comfortable and you'll always be there..
boy..some guy down the road is going to be lucky..when he finds you..
and some woman who gets Dan...will be miserable...
Mike, I was reading your post this morning and eating breakfast... "and some woman who gets Dan...will be miserable..." made me spill my grape nuts. LOL..It is so very true
BBJ, you know I love you, but for the life of me I can't see how you continue to put up with this guy's cr*p.
You are so much better than this, why can't you see what all of us see. You are a princess and he is a toad. Unfortunately no amount of kissing is going to turn him into a prince.
