FLTC, here's what I think. STBX is still carrying on like the "abandoned" wife that she feels she is. She still imagines herself as the lone caregiver whose H is still in Iraq. She's still striking out at you for the times you left her alone, that's why the day you left for Iraq she sat in the car. She just saw that as another time where she was going to be left with the burden while you rode off into the sunset doing what you wanted to do. She's still doing it. She also wants to stick it to you in front of Gym woman because, guess what, when you start seeing someone else you are again abandoning her (even though she left you for someone else. Dont' try and figure it out!) Bottom line, this is her trip not yours. Now, that said, I see the need for some boundary setting here, tell her that you are quite willing to respond to polite requests but WILL NOT be responding to harsh, rude or insulting comments and that's that, then stick to it. Also, be careful of making assumptions about things, as I often hear in your posts comments like "I assumed that...", it gets you into trouble. E.g. when STBX asked you to take care of the car incident with D it might have been good to call and say "this is what I think needs to happen, I will call your insurance company, are you OK with that?" Don't give her ammo if you can help it. Lastly, is it possible that you suggest counselling together in regards to divorced parenting. Your D's tears certainly show that there is a need to do what's right by the children and you are both under enormous stress here. Sitting down with a counsellor to work out some kind of parenting R seems like a good idea for all involved. Is it worth a shot? So, that's my Monday morning 2 cents. Hang in there!
