Partner left after 9 years - He's 'confused' now

[mishka422]

Whoa Whoa Whoa!!!!! Back up. Let's examine what you just said.

How could you put me through such shock and devastation to save yourself and not have to face any unpleasant explanations?

That's just it. He was saving himself Ali and that is all he is responsible to do. He had a commitment to you, yes, however those are broken every day. That would be why we are all here, right? Broken commitments? He made a decision based on his feelings of desperation and unhappiness. Again, he is only responsible for himself and he took care of himself. Period.

Why did you string me along then for 6 months and phone me every day and see me every weekend to turn round and 'leave' me a second time for that woman you met at work? The one you swore you werent interested in.

In a word - detatchment. He didn't know how to detatch after so long together. Even though he knew he couldn't be with you, he didn't know how to let go completely. You were a comfort zone that he knew how to deal with.

Why phone me a week before Christmas and talk for an hour about yourself and not even ask me how I am or what I have been up to?

Self-absorbtion.

when I (embarresingly) said it would be nice to meet up sometime, you sidestepped the quesion with a "I dont really know what I am doing"..as if you dont really want to see me.

I'm going to be brutal here so brace yourself (I do it out of love). He doesn't want to see you right now Ali. He can't. He is still holding on in some ways the same way you are. You have to let him go completely Ali.

Stop asking why. You will never have the answers and you're going to have to accept that the same way we all have. It's not easy but you have to do it for yourself or you will keep cycling like this for eternity.

I know that you don't want to hear this right now Ali but you really do need to concentrate only on you. What he is doing or will do or has done are all unimportant. You can only control yourself and your reactions. You are letting things far beyond your control have control over you.

STOP NOW! Again, I say all of this out of love for you Ali. I'm very sorry you are cycling again but please know that once you let go completely the cycling will stop.