Thanks CIW and Jay Scott for your support!!! Nice to know I am not alone here. Yes, MIL and I have been friends since day 1 and I have had an intimate relationship with her for many years now, in fact all three of us, H, MIL and I would stay up and talk intimately whenever we visited each other. MIL has a dysfunctional marriage so her H would be by himself somewhere.
When the second bomb went off, I told H that I would be calling MIL to get some emotional support and she has been good. But yes, her primary goal is for H to be happy. For the last few nights we have spent hours analyzing what is going on with him but can't really come up with anything solid. Don't know why the change in personality, the lying, the not caring. Must be MLC, we conclude. Frustrating for both of us because we both want the caring H back, the one we both love but can't have thaT right now.
Today they are off having 'a talk'. I guess I will hear the outcome when MIL comes back. Nothing good, I am sure. Nothing good for me anyway. H is still infatuated with OW as far as I could tell so all I can do now is to keep my eyes and ears open.
Last night, H took them all out for the day. I declined to join them and after a long day out, he took them to the grocery store, brought some food home and cooked it up and cleaned up afterwards. What a fine act! I just sat and ate and made conversation when they came home. Didn't lift a finger. That is such a 180 for me but if H wants to play 'the perfect Dad' while his Mom is here then why should I lift a finger. I just know I will get bombed again (for a punishment for making him feel guilty about MIL's visit) so why should I DO anything to help his charade?
The kids are really happy that MIL is here so that's good. They are very excited because I reinforce the idea that MIL loves them very very much. Which is absolutely true.
I don't know what MIL thinks in her head. She presents herself as caring about our family unit but her words suggests to me that she cares about H's happiness and the wellbeing of the children, that my M can be sacrificed if those two things can be achieved without my M. I am not angry at her. As a Mom, I can understand and empathize. I just wish she would feel strongly that my M was not as bad as H painted and that it is salvagable. If she felt that way, even if she didn't act on it, it would make me feel a lot better. Maybe I should tell her that, at least I would have said my piece and therefore free from resentment later on down the road.
MIL told me that H told her recently that I, PM, didn't do anything wrong in the M. Duh! So when the bomb dropped, I was the evil witch with many problems. Now, he is thinking that I did nothing wrong. But he told her that, oh well, I guess I have to be the bad guy. WTF? Subconsciously he still wants to be the good guy in this even with the lying and cheating. I tell you, I would be a WHOLE lot more sympathetic about his MLC if he didn't go off and develop an A with someone else. Then I could see him in the good guy role. But now, with continuing lying and deception, I find it very very difficult to not see that he has done ANYTHING WRONG? Is he still in a fog to think that he is still A GOOD GUY?
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
