*Should I fight custody?*already signed sep.agr

[lovelyolive]

...it still hurts, that after all those years and after all the crap he's put me through he gets to play family with my kids and her.

My sentiments exactly, cat. It hurts a lot to see them playing happy family with our kids and to have some shameless ho playing Mommy to our kids. Thinking about all of that makes my heart break.

[Lissie]

Hiya mama

I wanted to wish a very happy new year.

You are in my thoughts and prayers so often.

I read your posts and I can remember so vividly the anger I had/have still at times about someone else being with my babies.

I think my favorite line is " I did not become a mom to be a part time mom"

Which I do have the kids more of the time than he does but still.

It hurts the thought of having some other woman looking at my kids when they laugh that would make me want to get in the car run my x over.

i haaaaaaaaaaaated it.

To think that kids would not want to eat something she made and that she would reprimand them in anyway. Well the thoughts were horrible and I made myself sick for a long time.

I would hear some "step moms" talk about their step kids and it was not nice, and I would cry and cry for days thinking that Susan could talk like that about my kids one day. Oh it' sooo awful.

Recently we had some events that angered me to the point of wanting him to move out of the country. (which FOR ME would be great still :-) )

With prayer, and guidance of my family and friends i was on my feet again the next day.

Susan in her own HO ish retarded way, cares for my kids.

I never in a million years thought i could ever muster the words to say it.

She sees them every other weekend.

She has made their time there as welcoming as possible. Once I let myself really listen to the kids.

Her kids i have to tell you, really do love my kids.

X has dropped off my kids with her kids in the car and the first time I opened the door and saw her 3 kids with him,I wanted to beat him up. Then i saw this lanky long haired boy wave at me and he had the biggest smile on his face.

That was Susan's son. I waved back with the same big smile.

The children are innocent.

This is the hardest time. This new transition, the newness of their relationship her kids with your kids, It used to make me so sick and sooo angry.

Then I would be the ONLY one sick and angry b/c they were living their life.

It is not fair at all. It is not. To accept something you never thought would happen, and to accept something that should not be accepted is the hardest pill to swallow.

I am sorry you are feeling the hurt of all that mami.

I am how ever so happy that the therapist is working out.

You are one of the strong ones, you of stong faith.

Day by day. With prayers and friends and family along the way, it will fall into place.

HUGS HUGS HUGS

[kat727]

I have never posted to you but have caught up here and there. I read all of your words Lissie and I believe them. I just wonder if we would be feeling this way if our divorces didn't involve a third party. I mean if ex had taken time "away" from a relationship and then met someone and they became involved, would we still be angry? This is still someone else with our child but they didn't wreck havoc with our family.

Does the idea ever stop hurting?

kat

[cat03]

lissie baby)))))))))))))))) been looking for ya girl!!! where you been? sounds like you've had a heck of a time, my prayers your way hon, you and your babies are always in my mind too, I too had all this horror stories in my head about future step mom, to the point of making myself sick! it was/is so hard to push the bad thoughts away. s10's helped me with that, when I mentioned my fears she simply asked "are you a woman of faith?"... that gave me a LOT to think of, and when she reminded me there are angels watching after our little ones.
I too squirmed when kids told me how d5 cried so much because she didn't want to finish gf's food (which, 99% of the time consists of mac&cheese with mash potatoes), I tried to be objective, there are time when they also give me a hard time about eating.
My point is, that it just seems much much worse when kids go through certain sitches whereas it wouldn't have been a big deal had the very same things happend to us. We just have to lift both hands to the sky and hand the Lord our fears, that's pretty much the only and best way to handle those thoughts which torment us.

kat, I agree with you, I was fine as pie when stbx was alone and he had 1 to 1 time with kids, once gf appear my peace was shattered in a million pieces, which I guess means I have more to learn (in my defense, he was a jerk about it, he knew her 6wks before he moved her in and accepted her kids to move in with mine, BIG shock to my kids and me, he never even bothered to tell me about her, nor about their upcoming M)

I want to believe that it WILL stop hurting, I want to be healed without scars, I want to move on and view this wretch of a man as a husk of my once loved H, the jerk who's with that new woman is not the man I married.

[cat03]

bit bumbed, kids go back to school, I go back to work, kids go back to stbx... we were together for almost 2 weeks, seemed so natural, I'm going to miss them so.
I know it's better to stick with the visitation schedule, had a bit of a dissagreement with stbx about keeing kids for a bday, he then called back, after talking to gf i'm sure, and said it was unfair, that he wanted more time with them, etc etc.
I should know better, I did in a way try to get time with kids that should've been his.
I had it coming I guess.

Now, my son is ready he says, to go for one day, he 's mostly worried that his d5 will misbehave on the bus, he's a class act my boy. I had almost gotten used to the rutine a few weeks ago, I have to get back on track again, believing they will be alright and me keeping busy.

I hadnt' realized our 2 wks vacation would come to an end and things would go back to "normal".

I know my redeemer lives, and that he has great things in store for me, that this is not it, I have to get back my focus. I need to pray now, and know that I pray for each of you everynight, hugs ))))))))))))))))))))

[bright_new_day]

CAt, are you on FB? Was hoping to get in touch with you.

[Aud31]

Cat, darling, remember ANTs? Just a thought that hit me when I read this:

after talking to gf i'm sure

I know it's crappy, you're slogging through mud you and your kids had no part in creating. You're doing great, you will conquer. Light is more powerful than darkness--always.

xoxoxo

[cat03]

i'll get there in a bit bnd)))))

Aud, guess it shouldnt matter anyways, if he talked to gf or not, MIL I know she plays him like a puppet, that's his problem. Hugs toots))))))))))) thanks for checkin gon ol' cat

[Andabelle]

I just caught up on your thread-- sorry about your STBX's obliviousness re: your S. I just had an evil thought: what if you MIL changes her will?

[cat03]

oh, but she is !! she's told me that the first thing she was going to do this year was to change her will, hope she does some good with her money.

I just joined a new single parents group through meetup...and... I offered to host a Valentines' day dinner, yikes! he he. My other single parents group was having a dinner too but the limit was 4 adults since the host's home is small.
This new one is smaller and newer but closer to my area, not as active as the first but I sure hope I help so we can do more stuff together.
I can't wait! I'll actually look forward to Vday, I'll have about 15 people plus their kids, it will be a potluck kind, I'll set up a table for the kids to make vday cards for the parents and a movie downstairs.
I'll decorate the house with candles and a vase of red roses at the table, I want it to be special for all.
It makes me sad to see so many single moms with kids under 4, most of them are, there is a 24yr old who just gave birth, her D will be final soon.

I'm looking for psychology classes nearby, if God allows it, I want to be some sort of a counselor for kids and start a Rainbows program in my church for kids who have gone through hard stuff (death/divorce, etc)

Doing much better, hugs to all))))))))))