STEPPING out...

[cagzmom]

Hmm. For some reason I find it very significant that you posted your actual name! I think that there is a reason for that, and I can only think it is GOOD.

Funny you noticed Pam. I even did a double take after I typed my name. I think for me it is coming out of the closet. I know it is silly. I even joined facebook recently and have been reconecting with old (AND I MEAN OLD HA) friends. In that I have had to face the divorce- the loss of dreams and hopes. All that goes with being divorced. I have had to figure out what to "say" without bashing x (because there is much bashing that could happen!!)

I am so happy that your priorities have shifted. I know that I need to work on the same. I was answering questions the other night from "The conversation book" with a small group of people and one of the questions was:
"What single thing occupies most of your thoughts?"

Well, my honest answer was "XH."

Old habits die hard dont they? And in your life he is always "in"...but I see a shift. Maybe just maybe my friend this year will be about YOU?? hmmm just a thought

I just got back from taking a long drive to clear my head. While I was driving it hit me that I just finished the degree for which I went back to school.

OKAY WAIT ONE MINUTE - STOP THE PRESSES RUN THE NEWSMAN OUT. CHANNEL 10 LETS BROADCAST THIS ONE!! GIRL I almost wanted to go start a thread - actually I think I am going to.. CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU!! I MEAN IT!!YOU DID THIS? ON YOUR OWN?? YOU YOU YOU!! PROPS FOR YOU!! WOOOHOO!! Girl if I was there we would have gone out - had a glass of wine or fourteen tee hee and celebrated!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Last week I watched my XH half-heartedly participate in a game. You could tell that he just wasn't "there."

\

Oh my gosh I so hear you on this!! Not that my x and I are far enough in this to be hangin' and playing games...but just his "Woe is me..or his sentences of how he looks bad or this or that.." I don't engage it anymore. I dont. It is to hard for me as I am sincere and it hasn't done any good so far.... For you and me to rescue was natural. BUT for them to heal they need to get movin' on thier own. You know this - just thought I'd remind you. tee hee.

So, beside the triathalon, I guess goal #2 is to choose happiness! We don't have to make this harder than it is. We are both blessed with fabulous children.... if that isn't something to be ecstatic about, well, what is?

Ahhhh yes ahhh yes.

And there is me....coming alive again. Coming out of a place where I was "x's wife" to becoming complete again. I dont think I ever go there. Trying to learn to be honest but not bully - trying to know when to talk and when to be quiet. Learning to grow and not stay stagnate.

I like this. Just don't try too hard to become something other than what you are.

I dont think I expressed this well.. but I TOTALLY agree. What I really meant was this. I too am a talker. I too will talk to just about anyone. My x would "poo poo" me often. You knwo "Cagzmom your beign too loud. Cagzmom dont do that.." stuff like that...but now? I am who I am. Yes there are times to be quiet..to respect others and their places etc. BUT there is also life and energy in me...and it wants to be alive again!!!

Even this past weekend, my parents were here. They said that they didn't think I realized how much of myself I had lost in my marriage.... I see it. Just not dwelling on it. AND again...Julie is waking up. NOW she just has to figure out "what to do with her day..." HA!!

[quote] Should I be trying so hard on a relationship that is kind of like a house of cards? One wrong move.....

Do you remember getting married? Oh I do...and I remember the advice before it - and through it. DONT GO INTO A MARRIAGE THINKING YOU CAN CHANGE SOMEONE. AND THAT is the truth. We are who we are. Yes we modify, change parts that are hurtful...learn to do things taht are kind..etc. BUT well I guess you know what i mean (or I hoep you do) KNOWONE in a relationship has the right to hold ALL the cards..not you and not them.

Thanks Pam....i look forward to seeing where we end up in this next year.