Anyway, sorry for the sidebar, but that's really the only ongoing issue we have in our marriage -- her lack of intimacy/physical touch/sex, and my poor pouting reaction to it, and then it snowballs.
This has gone on for 20 years.
Sounds pretty normal to me. I think the big change is accepting that most (if not all!) relationships have this type of thing. Some things are how we are wired as individuals. I remember telling my husband that if I've been a certain way for 20 years chances are I'm not going to change a whole lot. This doesn't mean I won't try or that I won't do my best to make things work as smoothly as possible. But certain things, disorganization, my tendency to be content as a homebody rather then a party girl, me prefering to be seduced rather then being the seducer, etc... I can work on it, bend a little, be a little adventurous at times, but basically I'm going to be me...
And things that bothered me about him.... immaturity, need for a busy social life, preference for sports and action movies, the non-emotional logical approach to life (I used to joke I was married to Star Trek's Spock!), etc.... well... rather then being bothered by these things I really love and appreciate him in spite of them. Both the positives and the negatives make him a unique and individual person and I'm just going to love the entire person regardless because one thing I learned during my D is being without those negatives was not worth losing the whole person... the history... my family.
I guess I've just learned to be much more relaxed and accepting of things. I've had to deal with a lot of challenges in my life so I have to figure a life without them might not be so interesting. It's the stuff that makes us grow.
P.s. I love the idea of you and your wife volunteering together at a shelter!!! I've gotten involved with a dog rescue and also wildlife rescue and it's really neat!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
