I will say that I did see her as she was leaving yesterday. She smiled at me as she took some boxes. Seemed down and I noticed she still walks with a limp from hurting her knee months ago.
I was pleasant as D17.9 and I were leaving to go for a drive and just chat.
D17 and I talked a little about the situation. She said that she sees W trying to figure out who she is. That OM is irrelevant, if it wasn't him it would have been someone else. She thinks her mom is a mess and that I'm more sensible in my decisions.
However, she sees no reason to 'wait' for her mom to find herself. She said "Dad, you really got to go and figure out what you want in life too".
And she's right of course.
It's easy to say "I want to be happy" but that isn't concrete. It's easy to say "I want my marriage restored" but that's not going to happen.
So, what I can say is that I want to be open to giving and receiving love without feeling that I don't deserve it. I do deserve to be loved and to be able to FEEL loved without feeling like I have to do something to EARN love. Like I have to please someone else to get them to love me.
