Ian, I am doing my part, I think. I am usually not distant or avoiding him. I am not "overly warm" like a lab would be and I think it is important to remain like that, cause I am still trying to stay detached to the extent that his actions (or lack of them) dont mess with my moods and feelings very much. Honestly, he still has a way to drive me nuts and get me mad.
Last night he spent the night here. Came from work after 1 in the morning. He gave me a warm kiss on my...cheek and neck and I went back to sleep. He watched TV for a while and then came to bed. In the middle of the night I snuggled up to him and he held me for a while. Then I went back to my corner and he stayed at his. This is what happens :when I do or say something "nice" he follows but NEVER initiates.
We had a nice day with the kids and a large group of friends and family (my brother's family). We had lunch at applebees because they would only accept 10 kids (ages 3-8). He left early to go to work and kissed me warmly on my ...head in front of everybody. (It was my head but it did feel warm and tender). It felt like we were a family, like 3 years ago.
The deadline is not set exactly but we both agreed that this situation cant go on forever. We've been doing this for almost 3 months now and little progress has been achieved. The kids are confused and we are getting tired. Both of us. I am not going to get paranoid over the deadline, dont worry.
One thing I noticed, he has no problems meeting with any friends or family. He is not embarassed or anything.
During the discussion we had the other day, he said a few things that showed he has no clue still of what his leaving caused to me. Even financially. Nada, no clue.
Anyway, things are quiet for the time being. I am calm. I can see that this needs a lot of effort and courage. This is where baby steps happen (still banned from here for the rest of you-LOL!!!). I think I am calmer since I said to myself I am going on without pushing for anything. I think I am getting some of my patience back... xxx K
