The first thing I wrestle with is....is this my problem or his? Obviously doing this stuff behind my back is not good for the M. But if I wasn't so offended by it, he probably wouldn't have to hide it. I'm self confident enough, not really insecure. I'm attractive and get my fair share of double glances. I guess that's part of what bothers me. Why are guys never happy with what they have? My first thought is that I want to hurt him too. Maybe he doesn't get it that there is a laundry list of guys that I think are pretty freakin hot too. I've thought about leaving my list in his google drop down, lol. I seriously think it would bother him if I was doing the same things he does. Thing is, it's not my style. It's not me. Like I said, it's creepy.
Can I be ok with it? I don't know. But the first step is to stop doing it behind my back. And the first step toward that is making him feel safe enough to tell me the full extent of what he does. When we had lots of problems, I installed spyware on his computer, so I pretty much know he doesn't do anything further than what I've relayed here, i.e. he's not doing webcams or talking to other live people. It's definitely not like that.
I pretty much told him I installed it, after I found out what I needed to know. He's now got a password on his computer and spyware detection software, etc. He changed the password on his email account because of course I had that too. So, he's taken measures to 'assure' that I can't spy on him. And I had zero desire to. I found what I needed to know...coming across his history was a complete mistake. On both of our parts because he is usually pretty careful to cover his tracks.
So, how do we communicate about this issue???
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
