I had a dream last night in which we were in a car and we reconciled...I wish I could remember more of the details...instead I woke up with this empty feeling...and this vague memory of the dream. I wonder if I had that dream just because W and I spoke a bit more yesterday than usual - mostly about our baby boy - since he is under the weather. I found myself listening so carefully to everything she said - just trying to listen to her talk about baby - and not throw a lot of questions at her...
I'll probably call to check on my baby boy later this morning - hopefully he's starting to feel better.
I'm also going to have to keep myself busy today - just to keep focused on what I have to do - for me and my kids. I had this idea this morning that, since my W is going through a crisis, the chances of our reconciling really are 50/50 - she may eventually come out of this and see what she's giving up - and see that some of the memories she has created are not about us - but about her - if that's possible, then we would be able to work on a M with a much stronger foundation - because it would mean that she is also willing to do the work for herself...
On the other hand, if she doesn't want to work on herself - and she only holds this anger - then it is best that we move on apart - and that I have the opportunity to learn more about taking care of myself and my kids on my own for a while. Eventually I will meet someone new - it's just not the major concern right now...
I have to keep making use of my time to improve and to learn more about myself...I cannot waste this time - since I may never get an opportunity like this again.
