We even made love this morning. First time in more than 8 months.
Where's Hairdog when you need him, with his "lucky bastard!" teases!
Puppy
Just wondering here Pup, but do you think that possibly you two just got into the rut that rolls around after a period of time after an affair and now you both realize it's not what you want?
Don't know, just an observation.
But yes, lucky bastard indeed.
That's definitely part of it. I was looking for a LOT more effort from her after she had the affair, and yet I saw us slipping back into the same SSM rut that we've always gotten into, and I just had way too much resentment built up.
Here's our marital dysfunction in a nutshell. You're all going to think it's stupid (we do too!), but it's been going on for almost 20 years now:
We are best friends. We genuinely like and respect each other, and have always felt that God put us together for a reason, and that the other was "the one" for us. We were deeply in love and extremely happy during the early part of our marriage.
And we STILL share many of the same values, same interests, and get along great. There is no abuse -- physical, verbal, emotional, drug or alcohol -- no infidelity other than her 3-month affair in the Summer of '07 (I'm not dismissing that that's a huge thing, but there's no pattern of it in our marriage). No fights to speak of, no health issues, no family issues -- NOTHING.
Nothing except this thing where she pulls away from me, and I react poorly to it.
That's it. I don't know how to handle rejection gracefully, and she treats my ego and my libido carelessly and wounds me. The cycle repeats. I eventually stop meeting HER primary LLs (mine are PT and WOA; hers are WOA and QT) -- on purpose -- because I resent her not meeting mine. She then feels unloved, and pulls away even further.
The DEPTH to which she feels unloved came out of her in a blind rage yesterday morning! She said I was a "phony" and I didn't really love her, and how COULD I if I never touched her, and didn't sleep with her, and yadda yadda yadda. It was a horrific fight, and at one point I thought she might even hit me. It all started the night before when I decided to go to the pub with my friend, instead of asking her to do something, and instead of telling her I was going, I communicated it thru the boys while she was out at the gym, which I shouldn't have done, but she WAY overreacted, and even sent me a text message sayhing "maybe you should stay at your friend's house tonite."
I ignored that request, and went home at 11:30, but she had all the lights out and would have turned the house alarm on had our D19 not been still due to come home!
And then the huge fight yesterday morning, where she was SCREAMING at me. She said she never felt more alone, never felt more unloved, and never felt more discarded and rejected. "HOW CAN YOU WANT TO DIVORCE ME!!?" I was incredulous. I had to remind her that it was SHE who brought up D again just 10 days before Christmas! It was like this fantasy where she hadn't thought about the repercussions of everything.
Anyway, sorry for the sidebar, but that's really the only ongoing issue we have in our marriage -- her lack of intimacy/physical touch/sex, and my poor pouting reaction to it, and then it snowballs.
