In many ways, the holidays were peaceful and happy. I got out to engage in many of the activities I enjoy. I continue to feel blessed by my rich circle of friends. Not having any real family, my friends are my family of choice. I am very lucky to have each of them in my life.
Haven't heard from h... and it is both sad and strangely shocking to feel that I have slipped out of his life seemingly so quickly and easily. Of course, he was leaving the m long before he left physically. It hurts but it also brings home in deeper ways the reality of my sitch.
I have read many other threads in which the h does return, even after an extended period of time with OW. I am caught between hope and wanting to move forward; not knowing how to hold both in my life at the same time.
I love having an intimate relationship with a man... I can't yet sort out how and when being open to that will be part of my moving on. Is that when I will file for d if my h hasn't yet done so? Or should I just file now because he is with ow? In some ways given the importance and significance of the marriage vows which I feel he has broken and which I feel no longer exist for him, why wouldn't I file for a d now? The vows are between 2 people; if one breaks them and doesn't want to repair the m after over 9 months, doesn't that mean the m is over?
I care about my h but I'm no longer in love with him. Given what I know of him (it's been awhile) I feel that I maybe could fall in love with him again... but he has been adamant that he doesn't want to make himself open to that experience with me and in fact has chosen another. Doesn't that end this marriage between us? So why not d?
Silver Fox and others - why and how have you waited so long? And how have you dealt with the pain of your h choosing another over you, breaking your marriage vows?
